Writing to Myself

This blog is about my times out, but this post is about my next time out which may come quicker than I expect. I have got an opportunity to get out again, but it scares the hell out of me. I'll have to make a decision soon. I know in my heart it will be ok. I know this post makes no sense, but it helps me get something out of my system.
I'll come back and either delete this post or add a post about another great time out. On the other hand I could totally wimp out and regret a missed opportunity.
I think and feel this is another turning point approaching rapidly.
Karen, the ball is in your court, what are you going to do ?

(Now I am talking to myself)

F& W Last Day

Wednesday my last day out. The night would bring the Northern Angels Meal.  Diana and Kate would be out, but unfortunately Kitty wouldn't be able to make it.
I went shopping, I guess the last bit of retail therapy for this time.
As I write this I do feel a bit sad remembering back. I have said before that I've thought of April to be an unlucky month. I now know it's been a month that has brought endings and new beginnings. At times they have been very traumatic.
When I had finished shopping I came back to The Village had a couple of drinks outside Queer. It had turned into a beautiful day. I went to Sackville Gardens and stood by the Beacon of Hope and The Tree of Life. The Gardens are a rare area of green in the city centre. To me areas like this should be protected and nurtured. The Beacon of Hope reminds me of a spiral tower in the land ruled by the Goddess Arianrhod in Welsh mythology. She is known as a Goddess of reincarnation and fate. The Beacon of Hope a monument for those that have died from Aids and the hope that a cure will one day be found. I don't know what the inspiration for it's design was, but Arianrhod's spiral tower is what I think off. The Tree of Life is an ancient symbol that has appeared in many faiths. I sat for a brief time in the sunshine and got lost in some memories.
I went back to the hotel to get ready. Kate had been in touch earlier to see if a new girl Amanda could use my room to get changed.  It was no problem, I was happy to help.
Amanda found a parking space in The Village and I went out to meet her. I guess it wasn't to hard to know who I was. I had given her a description  of what I was wearing. I took her up to my room and left her to get changed. She seemed a really nice lass and this was her first time in The Village.
I went for a couple drinks downstairs  in the bar. Once Amanda was ready, and I must admit she did look stunning, I helped her take her gear back to the car. She didn't need my room to get changed back.
Everything sorted out we headed to Taurus. We were a bit late, but that couldn't be helped.
It was nice to see Bev and Sandy again and meet Susan and Kyrstina and last but not least Kate and Diana.
I introduced Amanda to everyone. I was quite hungry and really enjoyed the meal. Then we moved on to New New York and Manchester Concord. At Concord I finally paid my membership for the year, 3 months late. Unfortunately I don't get out as much as I would like.
After Concord our numbers reduced as with work the next day people had to get home.
Kyrstina found her car had been towed. Diana ran her home as there `was a problem getting it out of the pound. Nightmare stuff, but we do look after each other.
It ended up with just me and Kate in Naps. After a lot of dancing  the night came to an end.
We left Naps and I was sad to say goodbye to Kate as I had been to Diana earlier and the other girls who had come for the meal.
I'll finish this with one last photo. Thanks for reading.

Take care of yourselves and each other
Love Karen x

F & W Tuesday, York

It was quite a nice morning and I had decided to hop on a train to York. I had been before but never got a good look around as that time it was just before Christmas and was very busy.
The train journey was uneventful. It was actually quite relaxing reading a book and listening to my mp3 player.
When I got to York I went for a walk along the city wall.

From there I made my way into the city centre and found a shop that had a Tarot deck I'd been looking for. I bought a couple of other things as well. Already the trip had been worth it and it had also turned into a nice sunny day.

I also wanted to visit The Jorvik Viking Centre. I've got a fascination with Celtic and Norse history in particular. Going slightly of topic there is a history of Transgender Shamanism in Europe that stretches way back and Shamanism is probably the world's oldest spiritual discipline which dates back to the dawn of recorded human history. Visible signs of it have been found in Australia, the Americas, Siberia and parts of Europe. It's never been an organised religion more a spiritual discipline. It has probably been here before any religion.  

I would be very interesting if someone wrote a book about the transgender aspect of humanity throughout history.

Back to the Jorvik Centre which I think is built upon a Viking settlement. The main part is a ride showing how they lived in those times. Below are a couple of pictures.

  

After the Jorvik Centre I took a walk down to the river and got a couple of photos.

It was a bit windy so I got a couple of more out of the wind away from the banks and one of a duck who looks far better than me.

 

I found The Shambles a fascinating street that was like going back in time if it wasn't for the throng of tourists.

One shop caught my attention. and I bought a gift each for my friends back in Manchester.I don't think they really know how much they help me and have helped when I am in Manchester. There are a lot of things I would be unable to do if it wasn't for them. It's always nice to be able to say thank you in at least a small way.

Below is a  picture of a sheep I came across.

I must admit I found it quite funny.

I got some more photos at the Mansion House, but time was moving on and I decided to get back to Manchester. I'd had a lovely day out. I wish I'd got more photos for my own memories as this blog is, but that wasn't possible.

The next day would be my last day.

When I got back to Manchester after getting something to eat and a quite evening in Paddy's Goose I called it a night.

Wednesday my friends would be out and I would meet some new girls. I'll end this with a couple of photos outside The Mansion House.

 

F & W Sunday and Monday

Sunday
Sunday was a very quiet day I did a bit of shopping. Ended up getting into a sort of conversation with a very drunk woman in Paddy's Goose. It turned out a few of her family were in as well. I decided to make an exit to the hotel. I had to get packed ready to move to The New Union.

Monday

I woke up just before 8 and finished packing. I had to be out of the room by 11am. I was ready by about
9 30am. I didn't want to leave to early. My bag was very heavy and took some creative packing, making sure my male clothing was easy to get to if needed. I do worry that things will go wrong. A lot of people were checking out.
Below a couple of pictures I took in the hotel-

I was told I could check into the New Union about midday so after I checked out I had some time to kill.
I dragged my bag into the Village and went for something to eat in the Olive Deli. Dragging the bag down to the New Union. I got checked in straight away. A lovely man who checked me in, treated me like a lady carrying my bag up to the room. I must admit it was a nice feeling.
That evening I went to Paddy's Goose and got talking to Penny another tgirl and a American based ex-pat. We ended up  speaking about various world events. The ex- pat a nice well mannered bloke asked us about why we were trans. He was gay and as I have found the homosexual community has about as much knowledge   about us as the hetrosexual. Unless you are Transgender I guess you wouldn't except perhaps if your partner is trans. I might be wrong but when people gay or straight ask me about myself  they always seem to be the same questions.
The ex-pat said I looked cute, but thought I would probably look cuter as a bloke and couldn't believe my age when I told him. I guess there was a compliment in there somewhere. I told him I wasn't gay and he accepted that with a few more questions. To be honest I don't really like sex. It reminds me of who I am and something I can't change. The drive is virtually gone and very rarely do I feel it. I think I know why but that I think is far enough. I don't have a problem generally as a bloke, it's just there are somethings that bring things into a really sharp painful focus.
The night came to an end and I left Penny and the ex-pat who I think went to New York-New York club.
The next day, Tuesday I had plans for a daytrip away from Manchester.

F&W Leeds First Friday

Friday

Diana was moving out of hotel as she couldn't keep the room in the New Union as the weekend was busy. I had decided to stay a further 3 days. I went down to help her move her luggage to the car. Diana had lent me a small bag for taking some clothes through to Leeds as we were booked into a Travel Lodge for the night.
With everything in the car boot we set of to Kate and Kitty's.
When we got to their house Kitty made us a lovely breakfast. Kate decided she would get changed in Leeds so decided to travel as Bob.
We set off and had the option of 2 routes. Diana picked the right route and avoided the backed up traffic from a fuel protest.
We got to Leeds after a good run. After checking into the hotel, I needed to buy some tights so I said I was going to take a walk into the city centre. Kitty decided to come in with me as she  had  never been round the shops. I got my tights and then took Kitty on a quick tour. In the market she found tights that she really likes and finds hard to  get. In one of the shopping arcades which was full of really expensive shops filled  with clothes and jewellery  that  a girl can dream about. We found one shop that was overwhelmingly feminine. It was done out like a shop from the early part of the last century. When we went in, the absolutely beautiful scents hit you from the perfumes, lotions and bath salts. Downstairs were some stunning dresses. Designs from a bygone era.
"I'm in girly heaven",  Kitty almost squealed in delight. It's times like this I really wish I was a real girl as Kitty is. I could appreciate her delight   The bath salts were made to look like delicate cakes and fooled me. I had to smile there was a bloke in the shop with his wife and he looked a bit uncomfortable looking like he wanted to bolt. I guess my appearance in the shop didn't help. The shop assistants were great and really nice and after Kitty bought some bath salts we left to get a coffee.
In the coffee shop I got a seat and asked Kitty to bring the coffee over as my internal wiring is a bit wonky and I sometimes drop things.
After a coffee we went back to the hotel for a nice evening meal with Diana and Kate.  I got ready for our night out. This would be a rarity for me I would get out of my jeans and wear a skirt. It is not that often I wear a dress or skirt, but it is nice to every now and again.
The first place we went was Blayds bar then Fibre where I saw Gemma and her girlfriend. I hadn't seen them since I was last in Newcastle which was about a year ago. Then we went to The Loft in Queens Court.
After a lot  of dancing I felt very tired and decided to go back to the hotel. It had be another wonderful day with my friends.

Saturday

Saturday morning I got up for breakfast. It was now becoming routine doing my make up After a shower and shave. While I was waiting for the lift. I knew out of the corner of my eye there was a bloke staring at me. Here we go again. I decided to take the stairs. He followed me and I vaguely heard him say something. Down in the reception I heard Kate's voice from behind me. I turned and saw Kate as Bob.She was  the person at the lift.I felt such a fool.  We had a laugh about it and went for breakfast. Diana and Kitty appeared and joined us.
After breakfast we headed back to Manchester. Diana would stay at Kate and Kitty's  with all the stag and hen parties invading The Village the hotels were booked up. We had a good Saturday night in The Village. It is a shame the stag and hen parties come to The Village I think it does spoil things to an extent.
I was at the half way point of my stay. I would be on my own for the next 3 days, but I would see Diana and Kate on Wednesday. Unfortunately Kitty wouldn't be able to make it out.

F& W Thursday

I got up after a wonderful first night out. I didn't really care about sleep, but I did manage about 6 hours. I decided to take a wander. Diana who was staying at the New Union was having a bit of a lie in. The plan was to meet up with Kate and Kitty at the Trafford Centre.
I went out for a wander and then met up with Diana. We drove out to the Trafford Centre to meet up with Kate and Kitty. Out shopping we went in M&S. Kitty needed some new shoes and I got a pleasant surprise in the shoe section. They were doing wider fit shoes. The only problem was they still only go up to a size 8. Even though that was still to small I decided to try one on. I might be lucky a size 8 in the wider fit might just fit. Well imagine my delight when I found it was to big. I found a 7.5 that was very comfortable. Another shop where I can buy shoes.
In between shopping we went for a meal in a Spanish restaurant. Below is a picture of me and Kate. I am wearing glasses because I couldn't read the menu.

I think the picture shows how happy I was. If Diana reads this, thanks for taking the photo.
Some more shopping and then we went back to Kate and Kitty's where we had a lovely evening meal courtesy of our wonderful hostesses.
It came time for Diana and myself to get back to the Village. A drink in Paddy's Goose and then Naps which we were surprised to find open. The fantastic second day ended. I said goodnight to Diana and thought about Friday.
Leeds was next and First Friday.

Fire and Water

Wednesday

I left home on a cold wet morning. Every time I go to Manchester it feels like I am stealing away on some sort of secret mission. No one knows where I am going. I more or less disappear in more ways than one. My male aspect becomes overtaken by my feminine. It is not just how I dress, it's how I feel. 8 days living as near to being female as I can is a beautiful spiritual experience.
My whole belief system and what I know about myself was shaken to the core 7 years ago during the month of April. Then during the month of April a few years later I was hit again with another life changing event which scared the hell out of me.
There is a popular UK soap opera that is running a story about a transgender person who is the victim of a vicious assault. The background story of the character from what my friend Diana told me has parallels to my own. I have not seen it and to be honest perhaps that is just as well. If it helps lessen the violence and discrimination and shows transgender people as human beings that don't deserve the crap thrown at us. I will applaud the people who made it. We can but live in hope. 
Ok on with what I got up to this time. I got into Manchester on Wednesday just after noon. Getting of the train I felt like I was plugged into a vast energy source coupled with complete joy. It felt like I was back home. I've called this post 'Fire and Water' because in some esoteric systems fire can be a symbol of energy and water the flow of emotions. My emotions were heated and the emotional energy flow directed towards a beautiful path. Some say there is no magic in the world, but getting of that train again I entered what I can only  describe as  a magical place, inside and out.
I couldn't get my hotel room for about an hour an half so I went to Taurus.  Kate had said she would be out early and who should walk in just after I had got a beer, Kate. It was lovely to see her. We had a good chat and joked about the massive bag I had parked by the seat. Kate looked lovely and I guess I looked a bit rough.
It came time for me to get my room. When I got changed  I felt even better if possible. Meeting up again with Kate I had said I needed to get my nails done so off we went to a nail bar in the Arndale Centre. 
My nails done a nice dark red I felt complete. The one thing that I feel always signifies the changeover to a more feminine aspect is when I swap over watches.
That night we met up with Diana and Kitty for a lovely meal in Chinatown. It was great to see them both.It had been  4 months which is way to long. I was out with 3 of the best friends anyone could be blessed with.
After the meal we visited Concord where I paid my membership, 3 months late to my shame. I met Vanessa a lovely lady on the committee. She had mixed up my membership status on the MC forum.
We finished the night with some dancing in Naps.
A wonderful first night came to an end.
Fire and water had combined beautifully. I still had a wonderful week to go.

New Hair

Slightly different and slightly longer hairstyle. Ok it's a new wig, but I just love it.
It's been 4 months since I was last out. Today I went to the cinema to see the historical epic The Eagle and bought the above.
I've been having a wonderful time and I will relive on here when I get home, but for the moment I am not finished.