This Years Final Trip Out

My final time out this year was a wonderful time for me. A Christmas meal with wonderful friends. A trip to the theatre. Travelling city to city again Quite a bit of dancing and meeting some interesting people some who didn't even blink twice when  speaking to me.

Wednesday Christmas Meal (The Village Manchester)

Kate and Mrs K had organised the Northern Angels Christmas Meal and what a great event it was.
I had got to my hotel room in the afternoon. My friend Diana was arriving a bit later staying in the hotel just down the road.
I had plenty time to get ready, but ran into what good be described as a bad hair moment. It ended up Diana was ready before me and when she called I was probably in a bit of a panic. She came round and calmed me down and I got my act together and finished getting ready.
We went off down to Velvet where we were having the meal. We met up with everyone it was fantastic to see Kate, Mrs K , Kay Denise, Amanda, again and meet Cathy and Mrs C and there was another couple who's names escape me. I sorry to say I'm terrible at remembering names. I really enjoyed the meal and the wonderful company. For me this was Christmas.
One downer was two students not from Manchester I might add came right up to me when I was out having a smoke and said, 'Look there's another one, I told you we would see another one'. I just shook my head with a disgusted look and said 'F@%k off.. They soon took off. Lucky for them I'm quite easy going, but one of these days if they keep that up they might get more that they bargained for.
After the meal we went to Naps for some dancing to round a wonderful evening off. Diana was struggling a bit with bruised ribs she had suffered a few days before.
About 2am I left with Kate and Mrs K.

Thursday (First Trip to the Theatre)

Thursday morning Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester and we went to the Palace Theatre to get tickets for the Rocky Horror Show. Now I must admit I was a bit dubious about going.My first wife loved the music and the film so we rented it one night. The music was ok, but the film made me feel a bit uneasy. It just seemed full of every cliche going and stereotype. A Few months later I  came out to her and it didn't go well. we ended up divorcing, but in the end it wasn't me being transgender that ended it. It would have ended eventually. There is no point going into details, but it ended amicably.
After getting changed and a early meal in Taurus we made our way to the Palace Theatre. Now I would say we were quite well dressed. I was actually wearing a nice dress for a second night in a row. Unusual for me. Most of the time I wear jeans and a top, but it is nice to get dressed up.
When we got to the theatre it got a bit surreal. A lot of women dressed as french maids and men dressed in basques and stockings. When we got inside I think we confused a few people. A mother and daughter sitting in front of us started chatting to us and started to compliment us on our costume and realised we weren't dressed up for the show, but we were real so to speak. I think they were a bit embarrassed, but it was ok if not a bit funny. The lady selling the ice cream also complimented us saying how well dressed we were. I think we confused a few people. I quite enjoyed the show and in a strange sort of way I got a monkey of my back.

Friday  (Leeds)

Diana agreed to go through to Leeds with me to check out the scene and do some shopping. I am sorry to say I forgot about Diana's ribs. I think she was still in quite a bit of pain and walking her round Leeds was probably not a good idea and the seats on the train are not the most comfortable and the trains both ways were very busy.

The main pedestrian shopping centre is on Briggate and further down is the gay quarter which seems to be a safe area. We went in one bar the Viaduct which apparently is quite popular with lesbians. We did say hello to a group who came in. They were fine if not a bit loud. The barman gave us an overview of the area and the bars and clubs as relates to us. It seems like it might be a good night out.
It came time to get back to Manchester. The train was even busier. A bit like the tube at rush hour in London.
We got back ok and went to Eden for something to eat. Diana was going to head off home afterwards.
I'd had a great day out, but I did feel a bit bad for Di she seemed to be in a bit of pain.
Diana if you read this thank you for your help and support. You have helped more than you know. .
After Di left for home. I dropped my shopping off in the hotel room and decided to go for a couple of drinks before having an early night. It had been an intense three days. I ended up in Naps about 10pm where I met three women on a works night out. I got talking to them after an admirer kept at me and couldn't understand that I wasn't interested.
One asked if I was ok. I told them I was and it was a pain when these admirers couldn't take no for an answer and that I wasn't interested in men. They seemed surprised by this and asked if I just liked dressing up. I said yes, but its a bit more complicated than that. We got chatting and they asked me about the Village, also asked if I got a lot of problems with some men.I told them it only becomes a problem if they start grabbing you and then I stop being polite. They asked me if I would like to come with them, unfortunately I had to decline. it had been a long day and I was quite tired so I said goodnight and went back to the hotel.

Saturday  (A Wonderful Meal )    ,

I'd had a good sleep and after I got ready it was into the city center to do some shopping. First I had to get some breakfast, I went to Subway for a bacon sub and coffee. Now I was ready. L did my usual wandering round loads of shops seeing if anything caught my eye. I bought a top and another pair of jeans from New Look. In Dorothy Perkins a dress caught my eye, but I decided to think about it so i went for a coffee. I also texted Kate to find out what her and Mrs K's plans were for the evening.
Sitting in a cafe in the Arndale Centre watching people going by out shopping. I felt very relaxed, no stress all my worries had melted away. When I'm out I get these moments and I find it a beautiful time where everything is just right.
I got a text from Kate and then rang her. Kate suggested I come out to their home and we could have something to eat and then head of into the Village later on. I had been out to their home before and I was honoured to be invited back.
I said I would get the train in about an hour and then Kate would pick me up from the station.
I decided to buy the dress, see picture.

I was really pleased with it and wore it out that night in the Village.
I headed to the train station very happy with the my day shopping and caught the train.
Kate met me at the station and we drove to her house. Mrs K turned up a little later.
Kate cooked a lovely Chinese meal which we had with a really good home made wine. Sitting with Kate and Mrs K having a beautiful meal, chatting about various things I felt amazing.Two of my best friends who have really helped me come through a very frightening time. Kate was actually one of the first girls I met when I started going out in Manchester. I think we have all come a long way. I probably would never have got on a train if it wasn't for Kate's help and that opened up a whole new world for me. They are a wonderful couple who I can't thank enough.
They also gave me a Christmas present, which I won't open till Christmas and a card, Karen's first, which I will treasure.
The 2 Kate's got ready to go out to the Village. They dropped me off at my hotel so I could redo my make up and get changed.
Back at the hotel I got ready as quick as I could and wore my new dress. I felt like a million dollars.
We met up in Naps where we danced a lot. A wonderful night came to a close just after 3am.
We hugged and wished each other a Happy Christmas and New Year.I felt a bit sad, but hopefully I'll see them again early next year.

Sunday ( York )

I had a lie in and got up about 10am and then went to the train station about midday. I was torn between going to York or Sheffield. I decided on York as I had always wanted a look around.
Problems with the trains meant it would be about 45 minutes late.
On the platform in Piccadilly a very well dressed Irish lady asked me if I had a light for her cigarette.
I said I did but, it was illegal to smoke on the platform even though it's open. She seemed very annoyed but thanked me. About 15 minutes later she came back and told me she had spoken to one of the platform staff and managed to get a smoke. She asked me where I was off to and we had a chat. She wasn't in the least phased even with my voice. Her train came and she wished me a good day out.
My train eventually turned up. The journey was uneventful and I had bought a magazine to pass the time.
In York I had a wander round the Museum Gardens York Minster and the city centre which was packed.

It really was busy which was a shame. I think next time I'll go midweek when it's hopefully quieter. I did buy Sarah Mclachlan's Storytellers DVD.
The train back to Manchester was packed, but thankfully I got a seat after Leeds.
Back in Manchester I went for a meal in Villagios everywhere else was busy. A couple of drinks in Taurus an interesting chat which a very frightening looking bloke outside Via who told me to make sure I looked after myself because he thought I was a kind person .
I went back to the hotel. Another wonderful 5 days over. It had been a wonderful time, but as they say all good things come to an end.
It's been a strange year. Some amazing highs and very frightening lows. I've been in contact with some wonderful people, My friends have helped me see life is there to be lived and I try to the best I can.
To everyone who reads this blog, sorry I had to do another monster post.
Have a Happy Christmas and New Year 
Karen xxx

On My Travels Again. Manchester to Birmingham

I spent another wonderful two days out and managed to see another new place.
I stayed in the Village in Manchester. It's becoming a bit of a second home. Being a Wednesday and Concord night there were quite a few girls out. I met 2 friends I hadn't seen for a long time Jane and Kay Denise. It really was lovely to see them both and have a quick chat. Jane from her blog I know is having a few challenges which I really hope she can overcome.She really is a lovely lady. KD was one of the first girls I met
when I first went to the Village. She gave me some invaluable advice which I've never forgotten. It's always a pleasure to see her.
Kate and myself had a meal in Taurus where we also met up with Diana,  Mandy and Tina. I hadn't seen any of the 3 of them for at least a couple of months. It was fantastic to catch up. I am really lucky to have such wonderful friends and it's always a joy to see them.
Kate and myself were planning a day out in Birmingham the next day, so we didn't stay out to long. I think I went back to the hotel about 1am.
I couldn't get the train to Birmingham until 10 07am otherwise it would be double the fare. I would be meeting Kate in the early afternoon. These train journeys are becoming just natural now when I am out.I am quite happy to take the train, but in saying that I know I've got to be sensible and not put myself in a vulnerable position. I have to think as much like a woman out on her own as much as I can. I know I get read, but I'm not going to wander round looking scared. My voice really gives me away, but if someone speaks to me, I try to speak in a softer tone, but with confidence,
The train journey, uneventful took about an hour and a half. A lady with her daughter thought I was sitting in her seat. When she asked me I replied that these seats were not reserved. She did stop for a moment and then asked her daughter if they were in the right coach. It turned out they were in the wrong one. She apologised and then sat down next to me and told her daughter to sit in a seat across the aisle. I said to her not to worry, these electronic displays can be a nightmare. She agreed and then told her daughter off for not reading it right. I don't seem to frighten people off. There were other seats they could have sat in.

When the train arrived I had a bit of time before I was due to meet Kate so I went off for a wander, I don't know Birmingham. I had been there before but only briefly and that had been a long time ago. Going round the shops everybody was really nice and I really got a good impression, I had to smile when I was called 'duck'. In the midlands its a common expression and I must admit it always makes me smile. I did buy a nice little black dress in Monsoon. I really do love that shop , but it is expensive, but sometimes you've just got to.

It came time to meet Kate so I headed back to New St.
When I met Kate we decided to get something to eat. She knew of a place in the Pallisades which was basically a greasy spoon. After an all day breakfast each we were ready to have a trip round the shops. Kate knows Birmingham quite well, but this was her first time out in Birmingham presenting as female. We got pictures with the big bull at the Bull Ring. We went up through the Christmas Market which was really big, far bigger than Manchester. There was just a lovely atmosphere about the whole place. We both bought some jewellery from a little shop Kate knew.
It came time for us to head back to the station. We managed to miss 2 trains. One because it actually left early. The other was my fault because I suggested we go for a coffee and then forgot the time.
Eventually we got a train back to Manchester and arrived just after 8pm. We got a bite to eat in Taurus and had a good chat about the day.I'd had a wonderful dayl and I hope Kate had enjoyed herself as well.
Birmingham is a city I would definitely like to visit again. Kate had to take another short journey home on the trrain so I asked her to text me when she got there because time was getting on and I was concenrned that she'd be ok. She did get home ok which was a relief.
I'd had another wonderful time out and it was fantastic seeing so many friends which was unexpected.
Thank you Kate for showing me round Birmingham.
Karen
xxx

Just had to add this photo of me with the bull.

East to West (Another Hurdle Overcome)

Newcastle Friday

On Friday I went to Newcastle for a night out Bea, Gemma,  Donna, Karen D, and Karen M. The hotel I stayed in was full of stag and hen parties same as the last time I stayed there. I wasn't really worried. My confidence must be getting better. I was still a bit nervous and there was no way I was using a lift full of drunken blokes. I always think to myself would my wife have done this. I try to think as much like her when it comes to awkward situations, well how I think she would have handled them.
We all met up at Twist and then went on to Puccinini's the Italian restaurant we dined in first time I was out in Newcastle.
I did bring up about my plans to travel to Manchester as female. I was told not to worry as I would be fine. I   must admit I was still unsure. I had been fretting about this for some time.
Other subjects came up like transitioning and Gemma's friend, a genetic girl, wanted to know about how we viewed ourselves, basically our sexuality as she found it all very confusing.
All I could really say is don't confuse gender identity with sexuality. You look at anyone and just looking at bhow they present themselves you probably can't tell what their sexuality is 100% and that goes for everyone trans or not. Be comfortable with your own and you won't have a problem with other peoples. She asked about me and I said I'm hetrosexual, but really it dosen't interest me these days since my wife passed on. When I present as female it's not about sex. For me personally I cannot be female in bed so when it came to sex I am a hetrosexual male. We are all different, but don't make the mistake of confusing identity with sexuality. In the end all I can do is say about myself and really you have to get to know someone before making any judgements.
After the meal we went on to The Yard for a few drinks. The one thing that surprised me was that it was pretty quiet for a Friday night. I decided to leave about 1am because I wanted to get up reasonably early to get ready for the trip to Manchester. I had decided that I was going to make the most of my time out and confront another fear. Karen was going to Manchester on the train.

The Train Journey Saturday Morning

I awoke just after 7am. It looked a reasonable day a bit windy but not raining. I got ready and dressed to blend in. Jeans, a top, flat ankle boots and my coat. I also tried to use as little make up as possible.
Everything packed, I thought to myself I really need a bigger handbag. Wheeling my luggage down to the reception it was quite busy. At the desk I handed in the keycard and I thought here it comes she is going to use my male name. The receptionist didn't, but gave me a quite beautiful smile and asked if I had enjoyed my stay as I paid the bill. She wished me a good safe onward journey. I left probably with a very big smile. I walked up to the station which wasn't far away. I had to remember not to sling my bag over my shoulder when I couldn't wheel it. That wouldn't be very ladylike.
It was just after 9am and Newcastle station was relatively busy. I checked for the next train. I had to change at York and the train was in about10 minutes on the other side of the station, so off I went. I didn't notice anyone paying much attention to me. I felt good maybe I was blending in. The train a X-Country to Reading wasn't to full.  I boarded and put my luggage in a rack and got a seat near it so I could keep an eye on it. 2 teenage girls sat in the seats ahead of me.and never batted an eyelid when they saw me. Actually I think they were to busy discussing the night before and what they had been up to.
The journey was uneventful. I wished I had a couple of magazines to read or my mp3 player. I texted Kate to let her know I was on my way and when I would be arriving and where we could meet.
York station was busy and that was the first leg over. Looking for my connection a Transpennine Express to Liverpool which made me smile. It really was Trans today. Sorry terrible joke. Coming over the bridge from another platform were a group of lads chanting and making a racket. I thought here we go. They were stopped by the police and then ejected from the station.. I caught the train which was busier than the last one.
At Leeds it really started to fill up. A lady sat down next to me. She could have sat elsewhere, but she smiled at me and then rummaged around in her handbag. Touched up her make up and then settled to read her magazine. By the time we got to Manchester it was standing room only.
Getting of the train I thought to myself you did it. I had this amazing sense of freedom. I had never really felt that before it was almost overwhelming. I have had intense feelings of happiness and joy when I've been out, but this was different. I can only think of one thing that could replicate that feeling and that can't happen. I hope where ever she is, she saw a truly amazing moment. For a short time I knew what it was to be free from my fears, everything, that is the only way I can describe it..

Saturday Afternoonm / Evening

I went to the hotel and found my room wasn't ready so they stored my bag and said it would be ready in an hour. I was a bit early. I to The View bar for a drink and meet up with Kate. When Kate arrived she looked really good. I know she has been dieting and she has lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw her.
It was great to see her again. By this time I probably had a smile that stretched back to Newcastle.
After going back to the hotel getting my room and a quick check of my face we went shopping. Arriving in the city and not having to get changed just added to the sense of freedom.
We went for something to eat in Debenhams as I hadn't had any breakfast. Out shopping I bought a pair of jeans size 10 which fit perfectly, better than any of bob's. A really nice jumper, a 14, I seem to be getting smaller. Hopefully my shoulders will shrink a bit more.While we were out the wind was quite strong and it rained quite a bit, but it didn't matter.
Later that evening after we had decided to get back and changed for the evening. We met up again for a meal in Velvet. It was great to catch up on everything that had happened since I was last down. It was a shame Mrs Kate didn't make it out, but hopefully she will next time.
We eventually we ended up in Naps which was quite warm and after dancing for nearly an hour my right leg began to feel a bit strange, but after cooling down everything returned to normal. I have a good idea what was wrong and it wasn't a problem. Kate was concerned, but I assured her I was fine.
The night came to an end and we parted company. I had had a fantastic time, we hugged and parted company. It was just after 3am and I thought being Sunday I wouldn't get up to early. It would turn out to be an intense emotional day.

Sunday

I got up just after 10am and decided to go for another wander round the shops and down to the Christmas Market. I ended up going to te Arndale Centre and bought a nice pair of flat shoes. I am a bit wary of heels at the moment. I also got some more jewelleryy. A thought struck me. I've been looking for Sarah McLachlan's dvd Mirrorballl for some while. I went off to HMV. They didn't have it, but they did have the Afterglow dvd and cd set. Needless to say I bought it. The link below is a song from the dvd.
  .YouTube - "Possession (Live)"
Time was moving on and the Transgender Remembrance in Sackville Gardens was at 3 45 so I headed back to the Village..Later that night I posted on my other blog about the service. The link below takes you there.
Limbo Land: Transgender Day Of Remembrance
Afterwards I spoke to a few girls and Andrea Waddell's brother Nick in Taurus. He told me about his sister and we talked about Brighton and how he thought she would be safe there.Tragically that wasn't the case. My couple of times there left me with the impression of a very friendly tolerant place, but it only takes one, words fail me to describe the thing that murdered her.Later on before he left he came and hugged me. No more words were needed. I must admit I felt quite emotional.
I had interesting chat with Ellie who was really nice and told me some great stories and I hope her transition continues to go well. I spoke to a few other girls as well. It was just sad that we were all there for something that shouldn't be needed, but is.
After getting something to eat I went back to the hotel and wrote the post on Limbo Land it was something I needed to do. That blog is part of a multiple sclerosis blog list so perhaps some people outside the Trans World will read it and think why do these people have to suffer this violence and hopefully find we are just trying to  live like anyone else.
The whole 3 days was like living on a rollercoaster, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am just sad that Sunday evening had to happen.
Look after yourselves out there
Karen xx

3Ks and a Confidence Boost

I had a great couple of days out in Newcastle which gave me a real confidence boost.
I met up with the girls in Twist. I was first there as I'm always chopping at the bit to get out if I haven't been out in a while. It had been nearly a month which is quite short since last time.
Bea, Karen Dawn, Karen Mayo, Claire and a lady friend of Bea's turned up. Altogether there were 3 of us called Karen which got a bit confusing, hence the 3Ks in the title.
We moved on to an Indian restaurant where we met up with Christine and Gemma. I only knew Bea, Gemma and Karen Dawn so it was great to meet the other girls. I had a good chat with Claire and Christine. Claire was struggling a bit as she had had a long drive and was feeling very tired.
We had a really nice meal and then moved on to The Yard A T friendly gay bar. Christine, Claire, and Bea's friend decided to call it a night. At the Yard I got talking to a few other girls and a genetic girl who gave me all sorts of compliments about my make up, hair (wig) and how I was dressed which was really nice. I also got similar comments from a couple of gay guys in their twenties. Who were talking to Bea and Karen Dawn. It was refreshing that the conversation with them didn't revolve around sex.
I had a nice chat with Karen Mayo who is having her surgery early next year. I think Bea and myself were the only ones not transitioning. Karen seemed to be quite worried about me and thought I had fallen over somewhere when I disappeared for awhile. I was just in the queue for the toliet. A real disadvantage for women if you are desperate.
The night came to an end. Gemma offered to give me a lift, but the hotel was quite near so I said I would be ok.
The hotel was opposite the train station and on the way back it was quite busy. Nobody paid any attention to me which was great it can be quite wild round there.
Saturday morning I went out about 10am. Now I was a bit nervous about going out in the city centre. It felt like a totally different proposition to Manchester which probably see's more transgender people. My fears were unfounded. I got a couple of looks from some people, but that is to be expected I guess, but nothing bad. A lot of teenagers were out in the city centre, but none gave me any hassle. All the shop assistants I spoke to were really nice and very helpful. I didn't actually buy much, the queues were quite long, but I did get a really nice top that I am really pleased with.
I had said to Bea I would text her in the morning and we could meet up. Now it gets a bit complicated. I had been in touch with Andrea via the Angels Forum a friend of Bea's who lives in Durham. I said I could get the train out and meet up with her and Mrs Andrea. Now I had never met them because they both couldn't make it out the couple of times I had been in Newcastle before. Now to cut a long story short after a few texts, Bea turned up I think with a hangover.
We went for a coffee and I told her Andrea had been in touch so Bea decided we could drive through to Durham.
This was a real first for me I had never been to Durham at all and I would like to get a better a look around sometime as we didn't have much time. It was great to finally meet Andrea and Mrs Andrea. Andrea is out virtually out full time similar to Bea in some respects. I know she has had some problems, but is overcoming them and I wish them both all the best.
The evening came to an end and after dropping off the 2 Andreas, Bea ran me back to my hotel.
I got an early night after all the nerves I did feel drained and very tired.
I had really enjoyed myself and got a massive confidence boost.
I feel more at ease with myself and presenting as female just feels so right for me. I know I will never completely escape the closet, but I am finding a balance with more freedom.
That for me is all I really want after everything that has happened this year. The friends I have made, some I've met, some I haven't, have been an immense help for which I can never thank them enough.
Karen xxx

Time Passes So Quickly

I spent a wonderful 5 days in Manchester and Blackpool virtually out full time. It's amazing how quickly the time passed. Unfortunately last time I did something similar awhile back my eye went haywire when I got home.
On the Wednesday when the train pulled into Manchester an overwhelming feeling of joy engulfed me. It felt like I was home. I get to be really me. Now Manchester wouldn't be described as beautiful city by many, but it is to me. I've heard some TG people say that staying in the Village is just swapping one closet for another,but really who cares. It's not a competition to see how far you can open the door. It's about living and enjoying life.

I got my room and then quickly went to the chemist to get some make up remover and assorted other bits and clear nail varnish. I've never worn nail varnish, but decided to give it a go. I must admit my nails do look better even with the clear.
That evening I met up with Kate and Diana, for a meal in Eden. It was great to see them both and catch up. In Naps there was a young gay lad bouncing around like a loon and was trying to look up my skirt so Diana told me when he was rolling about the dance floor. On the Friday when I went to the New Union where Diana was staying. While I was waiting for her in the bar 2 young lads who said they were free lance journalists asked me if they could interview me about the gay scene in Manchester. I told them that I am not gay, but they said they would still like my views. I've heard some lines in my time, but I said ok. They were polite and not being annoying. They did ask how I would describe my sexuality. I told them I am hetro, but haven't had sex in years and it does not bother me so I'm probably asexual. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by this. I told them me presenting as female does not have anything to do with sex. If the right woman came along fine.but I am not looking. I'm happy with who I am and I really don't want the trauma of coming out to a partner again. Diana turned up and recognised one of them. He was the lad who was rolling about the dance floor on Wednesday. Give him his due he was embarrassed and apologised. We both were asked some more questions. I always wonder why people have to equate being TG with sexuality. For me it's about my identity and I love being out just doing normal day to day things like shopping, going for a coffee, even just going for a walk when presenting as female. It's not overwhelming where I feel the need to transition. There was a time I felt I may be on that journey and it was a hellish confusing time for me. I don't know if there is a tipping point you reach, but if there is I didn't. I really don't know what people go through to get to where they have no choice but to transition. I have the greatest respect for them, because it is a tough journey to take, probably one of the toughest to take in this life. One of these days perhaps the society we live in will one day recognise that and stop the crap.
I guess I've got a bit of track.
On Thursday I was by myself so I went into the city centre to do some shopping. I bought a few tops, cardigans and a pair of ankle boots and a couple of pieces of jewellery. I had no problems. All the shop assistants were fantastic. I was probably wandering round with a big smile on my face. If you look happy I think people respond to that. That night I went to Taurus for a meal. I must say the staff in Taurus are great. I always enjoy eating there. A couple of drinks in View and I decided to have an early night, Back in my room I checked my email and stuck a DVD on,
Tomorrow I was meeting Kate and going to the Trafford Centre. I went to bed feeling like a very happy girl. Every time I'm out I never want it to end. It's like living in a beautiful dream, I know that's the best it will be, but a least I can live that dream for a short time. In that respect I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Friday morning I had to get the train to where I was meeting Kate. I had suggested this to save her driving into the city centre to pick me up as we were going out to the Trafford Centre. It turned out I had to change trains at Oxford Road. I could have walked to Oxford Road but couldn't remember how to get there. The first train was absolutely packed. The second was the completely the opposite. I got to where I was going and met Kate. We went to her house first for a coffee and to see Mrs Kate who was feeling under a bit under the weather. It was good to see Mrs Kate wasn't to bad she said she would be out with Kate on Saturday. The 2 Kates are a lovely couple and it was an honour to see their beautiful home.
We went off to the Trafford Centre for a great afternoon shopping and lunch. It was great being able to have a chat with Kate without the loud music you get in the bars at night in the Village. I love getting out with my friends during the day and just doing everyday stuff. Afterwards Kate ran me back to the Village.
That night I met up with Diana during the infamous interview. We went for a meal in Taurus and Kate turned up as we finished. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, but Kate got something to eat and then we went to the New Union to find Emma and Mrs Emma. We didn't find them, but after a couple of texts we went over to Eden to see them. It was great to see them both and after a couple of drinks we all decided to go over to Manto a bar we had never been it before. Now leaving Eden I had a quite unsavory moment. I was last out and it was quite busy and we had to pass this bloke who was very drunk. 2 women were telling him to let us pass. As I was passing he grabbed me and put his arm round my shoulders. I told him to get of me and he just squeezed tighter. The 2 women told him to let me be. He thought this was funny.
I am not violent, but I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did not get his hands of me I would flatten him. He released me and gave me the stare, but thought better of doing anything as others were watching him now. There are lots of blokes about in this country who have to act like complete idiots and try to make other peoples lives a misery for their own amusement. To me the drunken antics of some people up and down the UK is a sad reflection of this country. I have no problem with people drinking, just the moronic behavior.
The next night, Saturday, we all met up in Velvet joined by Mrs Kate, Mandy and Tina. It was great to see them again. Before that Diana and myself did some more shopping in the afternoon we had to get back early as we were all meeting up about 6pm for a meal and then try a few places the others hadn't been in the Village. There was 8 of us in Velvet and we had a good meal, chat and a few laughs. We ended up going to few places later on, Churchhills, Spirit, New York New York and finally Naps New York New York was boiling. The heat got to be to much. I remember Mandy was suffering and I ended outside with her. I think I called it a night at about 3am. Later that morning Di and myself would take a trip up to Blackpool.

Di and myself got the train a Piccadilly. It took just over an hour to Blackpool it was a beautiful day actually very warm. We walked all the way to the South Pier and back again from the North Pier so we probably did a few miles. In a cafe Di left her jacket and I forgot to pay. The assistant came out after us and I was mortified. She was fine, but I felt really bad. We had a wander on to the South Pier but didn't stay long as it was really busy. We went to the Flying Handbag a T friendly bar and then a nearby Indian Restaurant. After the meal we went back to the Flying Handbag for a couple more drinks and met Karen another tgirl up from North Wales I think.
It came time for us to get the train back to Manchester. We got back about 10pm. We went for a couple of drinks in Taurus and then all to soon we parted company. My time out as Karen was effectively over.
I know a lot of what I have written is probably very boring, but for me being able to present as female makes me feel so alive. I can leave my male side behind for awhile. I am always very sad when my times out end and I know I will get down , but there is always next time.
To my friends, Kate, Mrs Kate, Diana, Emma. Mrs Emma, Mandy and Tina, if you read this and get this far, thank you for a fantastic 5 days.
Love
Karen xxx

Alive and Kicking Again

Well the last post written while sitting in the hotel room waiting to go out is quite funny to me now. My fear was unfounded as I knew it would be. I looked out the window, I was up on the 4th floor. I had a view of the hotel entrance. There was a taxi rank which was quite busy and there were loads of people out smoking. I could hear lots of shouting. Getting a hotel in Newcastle can be difficult at the weekend due to the amount of stag and hen parties.

I grabbed my handbag and went out the door. I closed my good eye for a few seconds walking down the corridor. The other one was definitely a bit worse, but I knew that wouldn't last. This really felt like that first time I walked out in Manchester. Into the lift, through the reception and outside. I walked by with my head up and a smile on my face not rushing. I didn't hear or see anything directed at me. I felt very nervous but really alive. All I could think off was 'This is me, and I love it.

Out on the street I was heading towards the Centre for Life which wasn't far away. I was meeting Bea and whoever else was coming out in a bar called Twist. I was first there even though I was a bit late, but that wasn't a problem. I got an orange juice, alcohol is virtually out these days, and I sat by the window. I had calmed down, but emotionally I seemed to be in overdrive. I was so happy to be out. Bea and Karen Dawn turned up and it fantastic to see Bea again and meet Karen. It seems there are a few Karen's in Newcastle, a popular name. Karen and myself had the idea that we should find as many girls called Karen and have a night out in Newcastle and totally confuse Bea. Karen told me she has been coming out for about 3 months, but she has had a constant battle throughout her life and is heading towards transition. This has taken a toll on her personal life. A lovely lady, I really wish her all the best. Denny then turned up who I had met before. Denny is also in the process of transition, female to male and I think he said he had got his gender recognition certificate. Denny really is a nice bloke, a bit quiet, but I guess it's a bit difficult listening to us lot.

We went of to the Chinese restaurant where we met Gemma. Now there were a few good natured nose jokes. Gemma had not long had her nose done, and we got the photos and story. Bea did then go quieter. I thought Gemma looked really well and I got the feeling she was more confident in herself from the last time I saw her. She is a lovely lass and I hope everything continues to go well for her. We had a lovely meal. I got the hang of the chopsticks again. We all talked about various things. How life was treating us all. Happy and sad it was all there. It was a release for me. I've had to deal with a few things since I was last out and make a few changes. One thing I hope continues is being able to see my friends where ever they are in this country.

After the meal we went to a bar called the Yard. I lost everyone briefly thinking they had gone upstairs. Eventually I found them. Upstairs was packed, so not much chance off having a dance. A male admirer and his wife ended up talking to us. I got asked about my hands. They are the one thing that dosen't give me away. They are smaller or about the same size as some womens' I know. It also seems I look smaller than my actual height and I got complemented on my cheek bones. It is nice to get these compliments, but when you have another bloke standing at the bar staring at you it is a bit strange. I am hetrosexual, but these days sex isn't an issue at all. It's been a few years and these days I would be more than happy to just go out shopping with a girl. Men do not interest me at all.

One thing talking to Gemma and Karen and other girls since I've been getting out. I've wondered what effect the hormones would have on me. I've always wondered how I would be as a woman.

That journey isn't for me. I may not be much of a man, but I am and I do not have the will or courage to transition and all power to those that do. Taking hormones could be potentially very dangerous I guess, for me as my system is a bit screwed up. I have heard of a lady in the States who has MS and is continuing to transition that shows how much it means to those who take that road. It really is tough and that is understatement.

The night came to an end and we all hugged. Gemma had her car and was dropping Bea and Karen off.

It was the end of a fantastic night out. Next time in Newcastle I want to spend a couple of days there and go shopping, but Manchester is next and I basically get to live as I want for 5 days, but more importantly see more of my friends. I really am lucky.

May you realise your dreams and goals.

Love

Karen xx

P.S. The picture above is me in the restaurant really happy. It just felt right to put it with this post.

Stressed, but having fun I think

Sitting in the hotel in Newcastle at the moment and the place is full of stag and hen parties. I think half of Ireland is here. This is going to be fun. This is the first time I've stayed in a hotel not close to the Village in Manchester. Last time in Newcastle I stayed with Bea. It's all character building stuff. I guess I am a bit stressed the eye is worse, but I know that is only temporary. Better get back to getting ready. Should be funny reading this later.

A Clearer View (and sore feet) Part Two Saturday/Sunday

I got up after about 4 hours sleep. Actually the best I'd had in a long time. I got dressed and went out to the shop. Not long after I returned Diana was up and ready. Outside it was another beautiful sunny day. While we were waiting for Kate I asked Di to take some photos. A record of my times out has become really important to me. If there comes a time when I am unable to get out that maybe all I have left. It a sobering thought. The attack on my eye really scared me. I think my biggest fear is losing my eyesight. This is why I need to get the most out of life. The chances are I'll be fine, but just in case.........
Kate appeared and we off for breakfast. I had a big greasy fry up. There was something beautiful about sitting in the sunshine chatting and having breakfast with 2 good friends. We were 3 women out for the day. It's moments like these that make life so beautiful.
We went off into the city centre.I managed to buy a watch, bracelet and a pair of white jeans. I did get another pair of sunglasses after borrowing Kate's, but I found my dodgy eye went weird when I took them off for awhile. I decided to leave them off.
I did my usual visit to the MAC counter in Selfridges and bought a very deep red lipstick. Perhaps over the top, but I love the shade.
After we were all shopped out we headed back to the Village where we met up with Mandy, Emma and her wife for a drink in Taurus. It was great to see Mandy and Emma again and a pleasure to meet Mrs Emma.
I had to go back to the hotel to get changed for the evening. Back in my room I thought this is going to quickly. I wish I had more time. The 5 days I had spent down before was a nice length of time. It felt like a good holiday.
We were all going to meet in the View bar. I arrived first. The Village was very busy as was the View. Just as I got a drink, I saw Tina who looked stunning. We went downstairs to wait for the others. Everybody eventually arrived including Kate's wife, Tina's wife, who I had never met and it was a pleasure to meet her. It was also nice to see Lisa out again.
I had a few questions about the MS and if I was ok. I assured them I was. I had a good chat with Mrs Kate who had been ill recently. I was glad to see she had recovered.
We moved on to Villagio for a lovely meal. Then we went on to Velvet which was packed. When I went out for a smoke some of the girls were outside. I think it had got a bit much for them as well. It was then decided we would all go to Naps. After a couple of dances my feet were really sore so much so I nipped back to my room to changes shoes. Luckily it was just round the corner.
Into a pair of flats I discovered a couple of blisters on my toes. A bit more comfortable I went back. A fantastic night edged to a close. People began to leave. After lots of hugs just Di and myself were left. We decided to call it a night. Di said she wanted to see me up to the train station in the morning.
I had another good sleep, a bit sad another fantastic couple of days had come to an end.
In the morning back in drab I rang Di to see if she was up. I think she got ready in record time.
Dragging my bag up Canal St with Di walking beside me we looked for somewhere to get a cpffee.
We met up with the 2 Kates. Because time was getting on for me catching my train we decided to get a coffee at the train station. It was a beautiful day again and I really did not want to leave.
This was a lovely way to end a fantastic weekend. Me back as a bloke being seen off by 3 beautiful women, my best friends. As the song in another post says 'It's a Beautiful Day', actually they were all beautiful days.

Karen xx

A Clearer View (and sore feet) Part One Friday 29th May

I had a wonderful weekend in Manchester. There have been a lot of things spinning round my head, but things have been falling into place and getting out again was another piece of the jigsaw that fell into place.
I was nervous for some strange reason, since I was told about the MS. I had been out down here lots of times before . I guess the shock had given me a real knock.
The simple fact I had been told it's my life, how I deal with it is up to me, and that has been reinforced by my GP who I met for the first time today.She was brilliant and very supportive.

I was supposed to meet Kate in the afternoon when I got down on Friday, but she was unavoidable delayed. I got changed and got the war paint on, and then decided to go into the city centre for a quick wander and get some tights.
Walking through the streets, it really struck me, this is me who I am. Male/Female, people can come out with all the labels they want, but I know who I am and what I want to do. I try not to bother or annoy anyone and I take people as I find them. I've been pulling things apart and really looking at myself. I'm lucky, I've had a good life so far. There are some things I wish hadn't happened, but there was really nothing I could do about those. Yes I do have hang ups like coming out fully. What would be the point, just a load of grief. It saddens me to see how some people in the Trans community are treated and even within it there are those with their own agenda. Politics in any sphere can be a snake pit. You have to tread carefully to avoid being bitten.
This in a strange way has been a boost. I've been told that I'm in charge of my life as much as possible and to use that to live it. I intend to and this was a good start. For me things have never been clearer. My life has had many twists and turns and there will probably be a few more before I'm finished. I have coped and will continue to cope the best I can. Life is to precious to just throw away.

I bought some tights in Frasers and returned to the Village doing some window shopping on the way. It was glorious sunny day and it was like any problems had just melted away.
Kate had arrived and was nearly ready so I walked down to her hotel to meet up.
Kate looked great in her summer outfit, We went to Taurus for a couple of drinks while we waited for Diana.
I hadn't seen Diana since she had some cosmetic surgery done. I always thought Diana looked great, but when she turned up I thought WOW! She looked amazing. Her face looked softer even more feminine. We had a table by the window which was open. I had to nip outside and stood by the window. Diana gave me a disapproving look when I lit up a ciggie. Unfortunately after being told I had MS I did fall back into that bad habit. We did have a laugh and joked about it and took some silly pictures.
We had a lovely meal and Diana and Kate brought me up to speed on everything that had happened since I'd been down last.
It came time to go back to our rooms for a quick change and then we went to the Bar Below then onto Naps. It was great to be out dancing again. We stayed to near 4am.
We agreed to meet up in the morning about 10 30am to go shopping.
I went back to my room for a few hours sleep a very happy lass

My World.- Past, Present, Future? (or me rambling on again)

When I decided to start this blog, I had never really done anything like this before.
The first post was about Mars. I was unsure what to write if not a little nervous.
I remember I had put a post up about my first time out in 20 years as Karen, on the Angels Forum. Next week it'll be a year since I started this blog. I've recorded what were for me some wonderful times. At this point in time I feel I've been given one massive kick up the backside.
I guess I wasn't very imaginative when I called it My World. I did once like playing computer games where I could take over the world or even the universe.
It's been a pretty intense 12 months, and this blog only has some of what I've been doing. I think I've managed to come out of my shell quite a bit, and I know I'm more confident. I've actually really enjoyed life in the last year. I managed to come out of what were some tough times for me. I've met some wonderful people some of who read my ramblings and they have become really good friends.
Everything was going great, at times better than I could ever of dreamed. Then as you may have seen a few posts earlier it was like a bomb got dropped into My World. I really didn't see that one coming.
Being told I have MS was a shock to say the least. I knew a small bit about it which turned out to be not very much at all. Actually nobody knows what causes it. Got a new word burned into brain. Myelin. Seems my immune system likes to attack it occasionally.
One thing I noticed reading about it on the net was that it seems twice as many women have MS as men. Time for a really mad thought.Did being TG increase my chances, make me more susceptible. Crazy how you can try and connect things.
I recently left a comment on another girls' blog, "You can't win every battle, but that does not mean you've lost either." That just popped into my head as I was reading her post and I thought that applies to me.
I also saw a programme about the New Zealand SAS and the 9 month training cycle they go through to be selected. They talked a lot about developing the right mental attitude, for me thats something I've got to do.
I've always tried to look for the positives in anything. This may be a difficult one,but I'll give it my best shot.

I've never really posted anything much about the last time I was out,except about the mishap in a certain store in Liverpool 1.
I spent 5 days out the longest I've left my male aspect well and truly in the background. It was an amazing experience and to be honest it felt to short.
On a side note I would love to rent one of those apartments, that I have stayed in, for a week. Something I will have to do first is permanently remove my facial hair.
I am debating whether to do it. Now things have become more urgent, the decision will be made soon. It would be so much easier not to continually be shaving and hopefully I wouldn't have to plaster the make up on.

I went through to Blackpool on the train. It was great to see the old place again, but I must say it was looking a bit worse for wear. I only stayed for a couple of hours wandering round the town centre. I did a bit of shopping and then it was time to head back. The train journey back was probably the most enjoyable train journey I've ever been on. The train was packed with students returning home from their union conference. I must admit I felt very nervous plus I thought my make up might be melting with the heat. I needn't have worried I ended up chatting to some of them. Mainly talking politics, they didn't bat an eyelid when speaking to me. Just treated me as another woman they had met on the train. I must admit it was a fantastic feeling. Unfortunately they all got off at Preston.
Back in Manchester I stopped to talk to a lass handing out anti BNP leaflets. The way things have been going in this country and with the MP's expenses scandals, their is a chance one of those morons could get elected in the up coming Euro elections.I've added a link below to the site of anti fascist magazine Searchlight. We wished each other well and I headed back to the Village.


Searchlight

The next day with Diana and the two Kates we went through to Liverpool on the train.
Unfortunately as recorded in a previous post the day fell flat.

The next day Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester where our faith was restored and we couldn't have been treated better. Diana bought a beautiful dress for the ballroom dancing that night.
It was a really fun evening with June Collins from Ireland giving us lessons. One thing I was thankful for was not falling over, but I really do have 2 left feet.
The next day Sunday we spent the afternoon at Trans-Fixed where June was having a make over and photo shoot. We also met up with Jane a really nice lass who I had met a couple of times before.
Diana had to head of home and I met up with June later on for a few drinks.
When the evening came to an end, June and myself parted company. I got talking to a woman outside the Annexe where I was staying. She seemed to have had a bit to much to drink and started coming on to me. I really was tempted. It has been a long time, but I thought no. If she had been a bit more sober I think I would have. She wasn't blazing, but enough to feel like it would be taking advantage.
5 wonderful days came to an end. I guess this account is a bit subdued. It did get overshadowed by the Transphobic incident in Liverpool and later on when the crap hit the fan for me.
Which ever way I look at it life has changed for me. I don't know if it was a good idea coming out about the MS on here. I was feeling very low. It has given me a new perspective on a few things. I've thought about what will happen if the worst happens, but then again what is the worst. I hope I never find out. It's not death I fear but extreme pain. From what I understand it does not kill many people. It's horrible thing when your own body turns against you. Ok this can't be cured, but what must be torture is when something can be treated or corrected and isn't due to the cost.
To me watching the carry on with these MP's lately and the billions the government wants to spend on Trident is just sick.
To end I'm really looking forward to the couple of days out in Manchester next week.
In a way it feels a bit like a new start, but it isn't really, only that I know myself better in a lot of ways, and some things are much clearer.
Life is for Living

Karen xxx

Transphobia

I spent a wonderful 5 days out in Manchester travelling on the train through to Blackpool and Liverpool. Sadly in Liverpool in the Debenhams store, the security must have considered me as some sort of risk or perhaps I was about to break some law being dressed as I was (see photo taken a little later).
What happened? I wanted to try a dress on and went over towards the queue for the fitting rooms to ask an assistant if it would be ok. I always ask and would never dream of just walking in to the fitting rooms without asking. The shop assistants when I have been out shopping in Manchester and Blackpool have always been sensitive to my needs and other customers when I've needed to try clothes on.
I never got to speak to an assistant within 30 seconds of joining the queue a security guard came and announced 'YOU HAVE BEEN SPOTTED BY THE CONTROL ROOM' and proceeded to tell me I would have to use the changing rooms on another floor. He did say the Men's.
Other people were now looking at me and I just felt sick. I went back to my friends and put the dress back. I told them what had happened and they were horrified.
We left, on the way out I asked the security if this was standard policy to treat trans gendered people like this. He just said that the control room had spotted us and was told to tell me that I would have to use the men's changing room.
It seems to me that I was doing something wrong because of my appearance and that the security considered me a threat that the shop assistants would not be able to deal with in the women's department. I only wanted to ask about a dress and possibly try it on.
I've sent an email to the company about this it'll be interesting to see if I get a reply.
Sadly I don't know if I will bother to go back to Liverpool. Liverpool 1 is intimidating with the amount of security swarming round the place very visibly. It should have made us feel safer, but to be honest and I think my friends would agree we felt we were being constantly watched and not really welcome.
I really hope I get a positive reply. Liverpool is a city I have many fond memories of and it is a place I really wanted to get out in. In it's defence it was ladies day at Aintree which tends to bring out a lot of drunks and idiots so I am told, but really that is no excuse for why I was treated like that.
On a positive note in the MAC shop I got some good advice on my foundation now that they don't stock the full coverage and a sample of the Studio Fix liquid to try.
Cafe Rouge, I think it was where we had breakfast treated us really well. Even using the ladies in Lime Street Station I had to pass a police officer and had no problems.
The incident did give me a knock as it did my friend Diana who is from Liverpool.
Our faith was restored the next day when we were out shopping in Manchester. We could not have been treated better.
In conclusion I sincerely hope this is not normal practise in Liverpool 1

In The Company Of Angels: One Year Gone

I noticed its a year since I joined the Angels Forum. 6th March 2008.
Joining Angels really was the catalyst for me getting out again in K mode.
It has been a fantastic year which has all been reported on this blog, except for the first time I ventured out in over 20 years at the end of April last year.
So in an attempt to correct that I've put a link to the post I wrote describing those 2 days if anyone is interested.
It was great for me reading it again.
In the past year I really have been in the company of Angels and may that long continue and all being well hopefully see you all soon.
Love
Karen xx

The Angels • View topic - Alive and Kicking: "Postby karen on Fri May 02, 2008 8:32 pm

Two Cities, Lots of Snow and Four Wonderful Days,

I'm back home recovering from an amazing week where I spent more than half of it as Karen. I managed a couple of firsts for me, which would have scared the hell out of me a year ago. One thing that came out was I felt so comfortable with myself dressed up more than I ever have before I didn't want it to end. It just felt so right if that makes sense. I guess reality has set in now and I'm back to being bob for awhile. I can't complain I'm really enjoying my life. There are people suffering real bad, some I know and my heart goes out to them.
Any way if you have a few minutes let me take you back to my latest adventures.

Monday 2nd February

I set off for Manchester amid some of the worst snow, apparently the country has seen for years. Luckily for me the worst was in the South of England. I got to Manchester ok and into my room at the Rem. Now this time I didn't take much with me clothes wise because I intended to go shopping and needed to leave room in the bag. Saying that I still had a fair bit.
I had arranged to go shopping with Kate and Mrs Kate the next day, but more about that later. I didn't think anyone would be out in the Village on a Monday night especially with such horrendous weather.
Diana said she would come out. I was really happy. The last couple of times I'd been down I hadn't got to spend much time her. Diana is a really good friend and it is always a pleasure to be in her company. I didn't realise she was having a few problems and it took a lot for her to come out. I hope they clear up soon.
We did have a problem meeting up due to a mobile phone problem which Diana has recounted in her blog, I was at fault for not going out to look for her for which I'm really sorry.
We did eventually meet up outside the Rem pub. I must admit she looked fantastic in the horrible weather. We went to the Genghis Khan restaurant where they told us we had enough time for a couple of bowls. We looked at each other and said 'ok', unsure what they meant.
We had to put whatever meat or seafood in a bowl along with other selections of veg and sauces or other spices and hand it to the chef who stir fried it on a big hot plate. We made up a bowl each. I went for pork and a mixture,left it for the chef and we sat down. The waitress came back with the food and chopsticks. I hadn't used those in years. The memory came back and I think I did ok. My next bowl was a chilli beef. I think I over did it with the chilli. I enjoyed it and would like to go back again sometime.
We moved on to Via for a few drinks and a gossip. It was karaoke night so we went for a wander upstairs among the strange tables and chairs. Diana took a few pictures one of which she sent to her blog.
We had a lovely evening, catching up and it was a wonderful start to a magical 3 days in Manchester.

Tuesday 3rd February

Kate and Mrs Kate had planned a trip to the Trafford Centre. Now I had said before that I wanted to go on a train in K mode. We arranged a place where Kate would pick me up in her car.
I set of about 9 30am to Manchester Piccadilly Station. I was dressed in some feminine jeans brown top black cardigan my green coat and black flat heeled suede boots. I tried to go as easy on the make up as possible. My attempt at trying not to stand out.
In Piccadilly I had to wait about half an hour for my train. I got my ticket from the machine and had a wander round the station which was reasonably busy. I had no problems except nearly getting run over in the stampede by the passengers of another train.
I really felt like just another woman going about her business. It was quite a feeling. On the platform a gentleman motioned for me to board the train before him. I couldn't believe I was doing this with no comments I heard or anybody laughing. I had prepared myself for such, but nothing except maybe a couple of looks. I think as long as you dress not to stand out most people are to busy to notice or care about other people. The journey only took about 20 minutes. I got off the train with a few other people and met Kate outside. I was buzzing. It's amazing how such a mundane thing like travelling on a train can have such an effect.
We raced off in Kate's car to the Trafford Centre. Mrs Kate met up with us while we were having a coffee.
The 2 Kates had been out shopping in the Trafford Centre before. Now Kate I would say passes no problem she looked great, very smart and classy similar to her wife.
We went shopping where I bought among other things a green dress that I absolutely love and had to wear that night. All shopped out we headed back to Manchester where Kate dropped me off at the Rem.
We met up again for a meal in Velvet, a few drinks and a chat. We had a lovely evening. It was great to chat without music blaring in the background for a change.
The night came to a close all to soon.

Wednesday 4th February

The 2 Kates had arranged to meet me in the Village for about 11am. We were going to the Manchester Art Gallery and then I would show them round the city centre. Neither had been round the centre for about 15 years even though they live relatively local. I was up and ready early, so I decided to go for a walk outside the Village. No problems again. I did get wolf whistled as I passed a construction site. They were probably taking the mickey, but I didn't care.
I met up with the 2 Kates and we went off to the gallery. I love art galleries, but this was a first in K mode.We decided to have a coffee before we had a look round and I told of a vivid dream I had of visiting a gallery in K mode a few months ago. The gallery was fascinating i think I will be back for another visit. It was literally a dream come true. It was now time to leave and go shopping, so we headed towards the Arndale.
We went round the Arndale and I took them to a shop across the road which is inexpensive, but has some nice clothes. I think we all bought something there. Mrs Kate seemed to be getting right into being out shopping with us. She gave me some good advice. We had a bite to eat in M&S and chatted some more.
It had been a fantastic 2 days out with the 2 Kates. 2 good friends who are a joy to be with.
It came to that time to get back and get ready for the evening.

Wednesday Evening February 4th

6 of us had arranged to meet up in Tribeco and then on for a meal in Eden where I had booked a table earlier. On the way I passed a bloke who seemed to bleeding from his eye. I stopped and asked if he was ok. He told me a group of lads had given him a kicking and he had made his way here where he would be reasonably safe. He said they demanded money and because he didn't have any they set about him. He thanked me for my concern and said he'd be ok. He asked me very politely if I could give him a cigarette. I did and some money to get a coffee and something to eat.
I went into Tribeco and met another good friend, Lisa. Emma, Becky, and the 2 Kates turned up not long afterwards.
Emma I had met before at the Angels Christmas meal and Becky a quite stunning tall lass who I hadn't met before. The 2 Kates turned up as well with Kate wearing purple leggings and a top she had bought earlier in the day. she looked really good as did Mrs Kate.
After the meal we went to the Manchester Concord where I had to pay my membership for the year.
It was on then to Naps where even I was up dancing. I think Kate's feet were starting to rebel after all the walking we had done over the past 2 days.
Lisa and Becky had to leave early, about midnight which left the 4 of us. We ended up downstairs where it was quieter. I think about 2 am we decided to part company.
It was the end of a wonderful 3 days in Manchester for me, but the week wasn't over yet.

Thursday 5th February

Heading home on the train. I thought about how lucky I've been, having made some great friends in the past year and how much they have helped me. Lisa and Kate when I first came down to Manchester. Diana when we went shopping for the first time and Kate and Mrs Kate helping me get on that train. Those are just a few things I could not have done without their help.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
On the train back I put a short post up about what I'd been up to on the Angels Forum. It was the first time I'd done that in awhile.

Saturday 7th February

Newcastle is a city I hadn't been to in years and that's where I was heading next for a night out. This would be another step into the unknown for me in K mode.
Bea Groves who posts quite a lot on the Angels Forum and has become recently a TG activist in the North East, had invited me down. I finally met her briefly along with her partner Karen at the Angels Christmas meal last year.
Due to problems getting a hotel Bea invited me to stay at her house.
Bea picked me up at the station just after 4pm. She said Karen would be round at about 6 30 to run us into the city. I must admit it was probably the quickest I've ever got ready. I just kept it simple a blue top and jeans. I think I looked reasonably smart.Bea looked good in a purple skirt and blouse. I think that colour really suits her.
Karen came round and we set off. It was absolutely freezing and icy, but at least it had stopped snowing. We were going first to a bar called Twist in the Pink Triangle.
Now Bea had warned me that although it was known as a gay area you got the whole LGBT, Straight and everything in between. Just about the whole spectrum of human life.
Twist is situated by the Life Center which seemed to be apt. We were first there and Gemma, Evie and Den soon turned up.
Gemma a TS lass I've found since is a talented artist. Evie from Essex I've read her posts on Angels told me about her trip to Vegas with the Boudoir girls. Den from what I understood is female to male TS.
We left Twist to go to Puccinis the restaurant where we would eat.
Puccinis is an ordinary Italian restaurant well outside the pink triangle. Bea told me the walk which took us past the train station had become like a rite of passage for some tgirls. I could see how it could be a scary prospect with the amount of people. Groups of blokes and women a lot of them on a binge. Apparently it was worse nearer the city centre where they really go for it.
We had no problems at all. It was actually a great experience. The men ignored us or just didn't notice because we didn't really stand out. I think most of them were to busy looking at the genetic women who some of them must have been freezing because they were wearing that little. There were a few women who wanted to talk to us. Some of them for some reason wanted to hug me.
One genetic girl asked me,' are you a woman?'
I replied, 'What do you think'.
She paused for a moment and then asked me,' Have you had a sex change?'
I've never been asked that before. When I said no she seemed genuinely surprised. She didn't seem to be taking the micky.
At Puccinis I enjoyed the meal and getting to know everyone better. The couple of times I went outside for a smoke on my own,loads of people passed me including gangs of lads. I got the occasional glance, but nothing else.
After the meal we walked back to a pub called The Yard in the triangle. The walk back was busier but we had no problems.
The Yard to my eyes was busy. There were a few tgirls there. Gemma introduced me so it was lots of hugs all round. Apparently it was a quiet night. Outside for a smoke I was getting more hugs from genetic girls. The Yard itself seemed to be full of all human life itself.
I had a great time apparently the nightclub the Powerhouse is open to 6am. I think that would have been pushing it. Gemma told me it's really good in the summer.
The night came to an end all to soon.
Back at Bea's the pair of us had a chat about various subjects TG related. I wish her all the best in her endevours and thanks for putting me up and Karen, Gemma,Evie and Den for a wonderful night. I'll definitely be back sometime in the near future.

In Conclusion

4 wonderful days, good friends and some fantastic people. A couple of firsts, a real confidence boost. Loads of shopping. What more could a girl ask for.
A year ago I could not imagine doing all of this. It's been nearly a year since I joined the Angels Forum which has been the catalyst. I must say it saddens me to see some of the stuff that has been posted on there lately.
I don't know how far I'm going to go or what the future holds. I know I'm somewhere on the TG spectrum. I feel I've gone beyond being a transvestite or crossdresser. There are plenty people who would disagree, but thats their opinion. I have a need to get outside presenting as female and try to do things that give me more freedom. Shopping and going on the train are 2 examples. I have a lot more to do and places to go yet.
Genetically I'm male and always will be and I also enjoy that side of my life. Actually I feel there are 2 aspects that have become integrated.
I know one thing my confidence has improved so much.
Love
Karen xx