When I decided to start this blog, I had never really done anything like this before.
The first post was about Mars. I was unsure what to write if not a little nervous.
I remember I had put a post up about my first time out in 20 years as Karen, on the Angels Forum. Next week it'll be a year since I started this blog. I've recorded what were for me some wonderful times. At this point in time I feel I've been given one massive kick up the backside.
I guess I wasn't very imaginative when I called it My World. I did once like playing computer games where I could take over the world or even the universe.
It's been a pretty intense 12 months, and this blog only has some of what I've been doing. I think I've managed to come out of my shell quite a bit, and I know I'm more confident. I've actually really enjoyed life in the last year. I managed to come out of what were some tough times for me. I've met some wonderful people some of who read my ramblings and they have become really good friends.
Everything was going great, at times better than I could ever of dreamed. Then as you may have seen a few posts earlier it was like a bomb got dropped into My World. I really didn't see that one coming.
Being told I have MS was a shock to say the least. I knew a small bit about it which turned out to be not very much at all. Actually nobody knows what causes it. Got a new word burned into brain. Myelin. Seems my immune system likes to attack it occasionally.
One thing I noticed reading about it on the net was that it seems twice as many women have MS as men. Time for a really mad thought.Did being TG increase my chances, make me more susceptible. Crazy how you can try and connect things.
I recently left a comment on another girls' blog, "You can't win every battle, but that does not mean you've lost either." That just popped into my head as I was reading her post and I thought that applies to me.
I also saw a programme about the New Zealand SAS and the 9 month training cycle they go through to be selected. They talked a lot about developing the right mental attitude, for me thats something I've got to do.
I've always tried to look for the positives in anything. This may be a difficult one,but I'll give it my best shot.
I've never really posted anything much about the last time I was out,except about the mishap in a certain store in Liverpool 1.
I spent 5 days out the longest I've left my male aspect well and truly in the background. It was an amazing experience and to be honest it felt to short.
On a side note I would love to rent one of those apartments, that I have stayed in, for a week. Something I will have to do first is permanently remove my facial hair.
I am debating whether to do it. Now things have become more urgent, the decision will be made soon. It would be so much easier not to continually be shaving and hopefully I wouldn't have to plaster the make up on.
I went through to Blackpool on the train. It was great to see the old place again, but I must say it was looking a bit worse for wear. I only stayed for a couple of hours wandering round the town centre. I did a bit of shopping and then it was time to head back. The train journey back was probably the most enjoyable train journey I've ever been on. The train was packed with students returning home from their union conference. I must admit I felt very nervous plus I thought my make up might be melting with the heat. I needn't have worried I ended up chatting to some of them. Mainly talking politics, they didn't bat an eyelid when speaking to me. Just treated me as another woman they had met on the train. I must admit it was a fantastic feeling. Unfortunately they all got off at Preston.
Back in Manchester I stopped to talk to a lass handing out anti BNP leaflets. The way things have been going in this country and with the MP's expenses scandals, their is a chance one of those morons could get elected in the up coming Euro elections.I've added a link below to the site of anti fascist magazine Searchlight. We wished each other well and I headed back to the Village.
Searchlight
The next day with Diana and the two Kates we went through to Liverpool on the train.
Unfortunately as recorded in a previous post the day fell flat.
The next day Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester where our faith was restored and we couldn't have been treated better. Diana bought a beautiful dress for the ballroom dancing that night.
It was a really fun evening with June Collins from Ireland giving us lessons. One thing I was thankful for was not falling over, but I really do have 2 left feet.
The next day Sunday we spent the afternoon at Trans-Fixed where June was having a make over and photo shoot. We also met up with Jane a really nice lass who I had met a couple of times before.
Diana had to head of home and I met up with June later on for a few drinks.
When the evening came to an end, June and myself parted company. I got talking to a woman outside the Annexe where I was staying. She seemed to have had a bit to much to drink and started coming on to me. I really was tempted. It has been a long time, but I thought no. If she had been a bit more sober I think I would have. She wasn't blazing, but enough to feel like it would be taking advantage.
5 wonderful days came to an end. I guess this account is a bit subdued. It did get overshadowed by the Transphobic incident in Liverpool and later on when the crap hit the fan for me.
Which ever way I look at it life has changed for me. I don't know if it was a good idea coming out about the MS on here. I was feeling very low. It has given me a new perspective on a few things. I've thought about what will happen if the worst happens, but then again what is the worst. I hope I never find out. It's not death I fear but extreme pain. From what I understand it does not kill many people. It's horrible thing when your own body turns against you. Ok this can't be cured, but what must be torture is when something can be treated or corrected and isn't due to the cost.
To me watching the carry on with these MP's lately and the billions the government wants to spend on Trident is just sick.
To end I'm really looking forward to the couple of days out in Manchester next week.
In a way it feels a bit like a new start, but it isn't really, only that I know myself better in a lot of ways, and some things are much clearer.
Life is for Living
Karen xxx
