Learning Curve Pt 2 - The Truth Explodes

In part one of this my intention was to write about my trip south, which I did but it focused mainly on the moron who tried to intimidate me. The night itself I really enjoyed with Kate, Diana and Sandi who doesn't get much chance to get out.
I had managed to go flying over a table in my hotel room and bounce my head with a severe crack of the wall.
After that mishap I met Diana in the hotel lobby and we went to the car park where we were meeting Sandi.
This got a bit strange. It felt like Diana and myself were in a spy movie or cop film on a stakeout. Diana's car was on the second level overlooking the street. She didn't have a mobile number for Sandi just her car make and registration plate number.
While we were trying to spot Sandi's car I saw Kate walking past behind us.
Sandi turned up soon after, so off we went to AXM then Eden for a meal.
We then went to the Manchester Concord meet upstairs at the Rembrandt and onto Axm Late, which to be honest I wasn't really impressed with, but it was a quiet night.
Kate and Sandi had to go home so Diana and myself went to Naps.
We both did a lot of Dancing which I love. We also discussed a few things about being trans. I told her about the first time I ever went out dressed up, if you could call it that.
I actually went out dressed up when I was 14. Diana is the first person I've ever told about it. What I did was get a skirt, tights, blouse and a pair of low heeled shoes that I could just squeeze my feet into. To hide behind a snorkel parka when zipped up nobody could see my face. Think a trans version of Kenny out of Southpark.
I remember it was early evening and the light was fading and it was raining a bit.
I got changed quickly behind a garage and went off for a walk. The few people I did pass didn't seem to take much notice although my heart was pounding. A van did stop to and the driver asked me for directions. I mumbled something and walked on quickly. That was enough, I found somewhere to get out of the shoes and skirt. Jeans and trainers on and I went home. I must admit it was a real rush but also very scary and I never did it again. Guess I've always been a bit stupid.
Well we discussed a few other things which I thought about on the way home. The night came to an end and I've told about what happened then.
The trip home included a landslide and a flood and took 9 hours longer than usual to get home. Which gave me a lot of time to think.
I put a link to a song. I thought it apt as Jimmy Page played with Leona Lewis at the closing ceremony of the Olympics today. This one is about things going wrong and the truth explodes if that makes any sense. It's recorded in a market in Marrakech.
(takes about 30 seconds for the song to start properly)

YouTube - The Truth Explodes - Jimmy Page & Robert Plant

Learning Curve - Becoming a Streetwise Woman

I'm back from Manchester and really enjoyed myself, but there were a couple of things that put a damper on it.
First off I'm going to recount what happened at the end of the night.
I had met up with Diana,Kate and Sandi. It ended up with Diana and myself in Naps till just after 3am.
Diana was staying at the Rem not far down the street. I had a bit further to go.
When I left and got on to Canal St I was heading towards Princess St there was nobody about.
I decided to quicken my pace. I was wearing low heels, but I'm still not used to wearing them, but I was going at a reasonable pace. At the bottom of Canal St I heard someone shouting. Some bloke was shouting at me.
'You fucking ugly bitch, fucking tranny I'm going to kill you', were a couple of things I caught. This idiot was not far from me when I got on to Princess St.
Waiting for a break in the traffic I stood and kept an eye on him. I didn't react just watched waiting if he was coming for me I was ready. I got a break in the traffic and crossed calmly keeping an eye on him. He went off up Canal St still shouting.
I recounted this on a tg forum and the replies got me thinking.
If I'm out presenting as female, I've really got to think as a female. If my wife had ever done something similar I wouldn't have been happy. In the end dressed I'm more of a target so really I have to be a streetwise girl or maybe more, streetwise tranny.
In the end it means stepping out with confidence, but being sensible and not wandering round looking like a victim or scared, which I don't do as bob, but perhaps getting a taxi where I wouldn't bother as bob, but should have as Karen.
It's a lesson thankfully not a painful one, but a valuable one.
I'm on a learning curve, that rammed it home. It hasn't put me of going out. Far from it. I was happy I didn't panic and coped.
One other thing I did was filled in th GMP hate crime form online anom. At least they can use it for monitoring purposes if nothing else, but everyone who suffers a hate crime, which that was, has to report it in some shape or form so at least there is a record of these things happening.
I'll leave in there for now.

Sparkle 08 Saturday

I got up about 8 am and had a cup tea. Just over 4 hours sleep the longest I'd had in one go in about 4 days. I nipped out for a smoke. It had just gone 8 30. I decided to see if the chemist was open to see if I could get something for my feet so I could cope with wearing heels.
I wondered what time the clothes shops opened. I wanted a pair of girly jeans for my stint as a stewardess in the park where there would be live music, Miss Sparkle, the Sparkle Oscars various stands. Lisa, Diana, Carina, Lucy and myself were first on at midday for a couple of hours.
I decided to walk into town which wasn't far. Primark was due to open at 9 am so I decided to wait outside for 10 minutes. When it opened I managed to get a nice pair of jeans.
When I got to he hotel Lisa was up getting ready.
I got cleaned up make up on, new jeans cashmere jumper and blue jacket, I was very pleased with my look. Then I remembered I needed some more cigs. The nearest shop was right next to the train station.
We when up to the shop which was nerve wracking there were quite a few people about but we didn't have a problem. I went in myself bought a packet and came back out with another confidence boost.
In the park we got our hi vis vests, very fetching. After a couple of photos we went on patrol. I went and got some chips, that was breakfast.
The stands were in the main still being set up. It was interesting walking round talking to various people. Just before 2pm we handed over to the next shift and went to the photo exhibition getting a bit lost in the process. Then went for a drink and sat outside AXM. It was a nice relaxing Saturday afternoon.
After getting changed later on Lisa and myself went for a meal with Jo and her friend Doris (not her real name) a genetic girl along with Marianne and her wife.
I found Marianne and her wife a fascinating couple and I must admit I didn't contribute much to the conversation,but sat listening fascinated.
Marianne's wife must have thought I was bit left out so she asked me if I was married or with anyone. I told her my wife had passed on a few years ago. I always find it makes others uncomfortable when I tell them and I can understand why. I've accepted she has gone, but I miss her and always will. She was, is the love of my life and I am forever thankful that she let me share her life and accepted me for who I am.
Things lightened, Doris told me a wonderful story about one of her adventures. After the meal we went back to the park to see the end of Miss Sparkle.
Time was moving on and we had to get changed for the Magic Theatre do. After a hug from Jo and Doris who told me she would be looking to get me up on the dance floor at the Magic Theatre. I've always been a bit shy so I told her we'll see.
Lisa and myself went back to get changed. Lisa got into a very tight black corset and skirt and I must admit she looked stunning. I got into a short tight dress.(see above)
Off we went down through Canal Street which was absolutely packed. We picked our way through and eventually got to where the Magic Theater was being held. Once we finally got in we met Doris and Jo. True to her word Doris got me up on to dance.
I've always felt a bit self conscious dancing. I tend to feel awkward. This was my first time en femme and I loved it and didn't want to stop. It was like my inhibitions just fell away.
If you ever read this Doris, thank you.
It was a fantastic night which all to quickly came to an end, which meant for me Sparkle was over.
I have seen since people criticising Sparkle as an event since and others full of praise. In my view it's something I'm glad I was part of, because whatever your view if you were there you were part of it. In the end I think it's an event that's more about the people who attend than anything else.
I hope it continues and grows, I loved it and hope to be able to go again next year.

Sparkle 08 Friday Afternoon/Evening

It had been some morning and to be quite honest writing all this I think I might get mixed up with everything that happened. I didn't really get much sleep over the weekend and started drinking lots of Red Bull.
Imogen a lovely girl who is transitioning came to the hotel to meet us. I got changed, the scruffy git disappeared. I can't remember exactly what I was wearing, but I do remember wearing the shoes I had bought plus taking my new handbag I'd bought in the morning.
So off we went to AXM for the official opening of Sparkle. About a 100 yards down the road I thought my feet were on fire. Luckily I had taken a pair of flats in my handbag. After an undignified change I could walk again.
We had a few drinks in AXM spoke to quite a few more people at the stands upstairs. I think thats where I first met Diana and Carina two really lovely people.
Eventually we had to leave to get changed for the nights meal at Velvet.
At the meal Kate who I had met when I was down before was out with her wife. Two really nice people, a lovely couple. I also met Bea and Jess who I'd heard about. Two really classy ladies.
Linzi who is a riot, I don't know how many cigs we smoked, but everytime we went outside it was a laugh. Then there was Jo a girl who is transitioning which is tough enough, but is having to deal with all sorts of other things that don't make it any easier, but only magnifies her situation into a hellish nightmare. I really hope it works out for her. I don't think I've ever met a person with such strength. It was a true privilege to meet her. She listened to me and let me release something that I had been bottling up for far to long.
If I've missed anyone out I apologise.
After the meal we went back to Axm I think. Linzi and myself went out for another ciggy with Jane. Two genetic girls out with their friends stopped to talk with us. Actually it was quite a while. I hadn't said much I've always been a bit shy. Then I got it, they started saying how good I looked and a few other compliments a couple of hugs. The looks I got from Linzi and Jane. Oh well it was all good fun.
Another fantastic night came to an end. Lisa and myself made our way back to the hotel. It was funny when some bloke propositioned us on the way back. I thought great now I've been taken for a hooker. Needless to say he got told to get lost.

Sparkle 08 Friday morning

Got up reasonably early actually I couldn't really sleep. I wanted to do some shopping. I had done some yesterday in male mode at the Trafford Centre. Got a pair of shoes and a green dress that I absolutely love and assorted others things.
I knew Lisa wanted to go shopping as well. Then she dropped the bombshell. She wanted to go dressed up. I really didn't have the confidence myself so I said I'll go in bob mode as they say.
She didn't want to go alone and had an idea I would be a bit frightened dressed up. I think she was amazed I 'd escort her as bob.
I don't know if anybody has done this, but I learned a lot about how people react which they hardly did at all. When they did look they were probably thinking whats that scruffy git doing with such a good looking girl.
We walked down the street chatting away towards the Arndale. A couple of people looked and then at me, but like I said before, scruffy git.
We went round a few shops, but the one that got me was Monsoon I've always wanted to look in there, but never had the confidence.
We went in and I saw this black skirt and top cost way to much, but I had to get them. Lisa had been read because of her voice, but it wasn't a problem.
She had gone to try something on and I was left talking to the shop assistant. I enquired about the top and skirt and told her it was for me. She asked me if I would like to try them on. I said no thanks they should be ok.
We got talking and I told her about Sparkle she didn't know it was on. She then asked me why I wasn't dressed properly and told me not to be silly. She took a real interest and couldn't have been better.
After more shopping we walked back. I ended up buying more than Lisa.
On the way back we came to where some workmen were digging up the pavement. Lisa was worried she was going to get some comments and whistles.
I told her you won't. If a girl is with a bloke you don't tend to get it, that much I do know.
We walked past a couple looked but that was it.
It was a great experience. I got to see what it's like to shop dressed up. In a big shopping centre there are plenty of shops to go into and security if you get any hassle. The assistant's in the shops have probably seen it all before.

Sparkle 08 Thursday

Sparkle, it was absolutely mind blowing. It was far more than I imagined.
The overwhelming feeling I got was joy.
It gave me a chance to meet up with people I'd met when I was down last and also those I'd only had contact with over the net and some I'd only seen on the net.
There were so many highlights.
I had come down on the Thursday and was sharing an apartment with Lisa who looked after me when I was down and gave me lots of good advice.
After the AXM we went to the Tiger Lounge which was holding a sixties night. Unfortunately it wasn't that busy. I think the weather had put many of, the rain was horrendous. We met a few other girls there and Kieron (F to M transman.) It was when I was talking to him a genetic girl who was out with her boyfriend or husband came over and said to me ' I would like to say I think you are really beautiful.'
I was stunned. I did manage to return the compliment and believe me she was absolutely stunning.
Kieron reckoned my face was an absolute picture.
I have never had a complete stranger and a beautiful lady to boot say something like that to me.
Whoever you are, thank you. You made my night.
I talking to one of the barmaid's when out having a ciggy another beautiful girl. I always find it amazing how women talk to me when I'm dressed up. They seem to open up and never speak to me like that when I'm in male mode. It's quite an exprience in itself.
The night eventually came to an end and it was back to the hotel. I had had a wonderful night and it was only just beginning.
One thing any labels I use are only to avoid confusion. I hate them myself and hopefully one day we won't need them. In he end we are all human and just trying to live the best we can.