I decided to go Manchester for 3 nights midweek. Got there on Tuesday and stayed at Easysleep in The Village. Unfortunately I was coming down with a cold which set off my crazy over zealous immune system. Nothing serious, but a reminder none the less.
Once in the hotel I unpacked and decided to try and get a couple of hours sleep before getting ready to go out. I lay down the room in complete darkness and just couldn't sleep. I felt horrible and thought to myself I should have stayed at home. I was going through a stream of tissues with my nose.
This is probably going to sound daft, but when I go away to get out, one of the first things I do when I get my hotel room is take my watch off and put on a more fem watch. The watch I wear day to day has become a symbol of my male aspect. I hadn't taken the watch off. I hadn't thought about it.
Not being able to sleep I decided to take a walk into the city centre. It felt weird out in Manchester presenting as male. (Sorry just had to say that.) Guess that shows how confused I am. Usually it's just the walk from the station to the hotel. Getting across that area in the city centre where all the trams and buses seem to build up I saw a jewellers that had a watch I really wanted.
The watch itself is like a charm bracelet. I went in and bought it. The counter assistant asked if I wanted it wrapped. She thought it was for my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I didn't bother saying much, just mumbled.
Watch bought I decided to go back to the hotel and get changed. It would be at least interesting to see if my make up would hold up with the cold and my nose.
Back at the hotel I got ready then went for a couple of tuna sandwiches. Back in The Village I then went for a couple of drinks in Eden. My make up seemed to be staying put under my nose.
The Village on a Tuesday night was very quiet. After a couple of hours out I decided it would be a good idea to get some sleep.
Wednesday
I woke up feeling slightly better, but my nose hadn't eased up. It took me just over an hour to get ready. I had the hottest shower I could stand which helped. I went of into the city centre. The MAC counter in Selfridges was my first stop. Actually I would be back there later in the day with Emma.
I would meet Emma in the afternoon, so I had about 3 hours before I headed back to The Village to meet her.
It was good to be out again wandering round the shops. I ended up buying a few things including a new pair of shoes and another handbag. I actually bought 2 handbags this time.
I felt a bit better and I was actually enjoying myself.
It came time to start heading back to The Village. I stopped off for a coffee where my bracelet caught and came apart. A lady decided to help me and I think got a surprise when she saw me properly and I spoke, thanking her.
On the way back to The Village I saw a jacket I really liked and bought it.It will also lighten my luggage as it doesn't take up as much room as my coat.
I dropped everything off in my hotel room checked my make up which was holding up reasonably well. Emma was staying in a hotel just down the road. It was about 3pm after a couple of texts I headed off down to meet her, that's when it started to snow.
Once we met up we went into the city centre and ended up at the MAC counter in Selfridges. Emma had a make over. I got to watch some of it. When the assistant did her eyes. I learned quite a bit. I would like to say thank you to Emma for allowing me to watch. It's not often you get to see a professional at work and when she had finished Emma looked stunning, not that she didn't look good before. After both of us probably spending to much money we left to get back to The Village where we would be meeting up with some of the other girls for a meal.
One thing I bought was Studio Sculpt concealer which seems to have better coverage than MAC's usual concealer. I'll have to try the Studio Sculpt foundation now which is supposed to give very good coverage,
Back in The Village I got changed and Kate turned up from work. She used my room to get ready as she didn't have enough time if she went home. Mrs Kate would be meeting us at Taurus where we were having the meal. Kate didn't take long to get ready. I wish I could be that quick. Maybe with more practise doing my make up.
Kate went to meet Mrs Kate and I went off to meet Emma and KD.
In the New Union bar I found them both and we had a quick drink. It was great to see KD again. I know she does not get out as much as she would like. We had a chat, but time was moving on so we headed to Taurus. Emma was in pain with her leg from an injury and the heels she was wearing I don't think helped.
In Taurus there was 10 of us all together. I was sat next to KD and across from Bev and her wife who had met last time out. It was great to see them again and have a chat. It was also nice to meet Claire. I never got to really have much of a chat with Tina and Mandy, which was a shame because I hadn't seen them for awhile. I did get to chat to Diana who told me about a TG festival in the States that dwarfs Sparkle in this country. It would be a once in a lifetime experience, but I'll leave it at that for now.
After the meal, we went to the Manchester Concord and then I went for a quick drink with Mandy, Tina, KD and Emma in Paddy's Goose. Emma and myself then went to Naps to join up with Diana and the two Kates. Doing any dancing was out for me unfortunately. I was enjoying myself, but I probably wasn't very good company. We ended up downstairs where it was a bit quieter and I caught up on what had been happening since I had last been down. Eventually the night came to an end.
Thursday
After a reasonable sleep I went to meet Emma. She moved her gear into my room because she was heading home in the afternoon and would use my room to get changed so that would give us some extra time out.
In the city centre I tried to do my tour guide bit without getting lost.
We went to cafe for some breakfast and I suggested going on the Big Wheel. I had gone on it with Diana first time I had ventured out into the city centre. That seems a long time ago now. You certainly get a good view at the top. The ride came to an end. After going for a couple of coffees in the Arndale and a good chat we had to head back for Emma to get changed. I hope Emma enjoyed herself, I certainly did.
There wasn't much that I did after Emma left.
It was wonderful seeing my friends again and even though I wasn't feeling to good I enjoyed myself.
Only being able to get out now and again really hurts and afterwards I can end up really down.
Someone once asked me if I was trying to simulate a 'Real Life Experience'. I do prefer being out in the daytime than sitting in a bar in The Village with loud music. I love being with friends having a chat and exploring new places or just out shopping. I don't know about trying to simulate anything.
I was also asked if I had the choice would I transition? The answer would be no, because I already have the choice and have never made any effort to go down that road. What does that make me? I really don't know.
Over at another blog, Matt Kailey's Tranifesto there is a post Tranifesto: My life in six words: a six-word memoir
Anybody reading this should have a look at the post and perhaps try it.
Mine wasn't very good but I think it sums my life up.
I don't when I'll be out again so this blog may be inactive for awhile.
Thanks for reading and look after yourselves. I'll leave with my six words.
Karen xx
Hide, Run, No Escape, Journey, Twists
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
This Years Final Trip Out
My final time out this year was a wonderful time for me. A Christmas meal with wonderful friends. A trip to the theatre. Travelling city to city again Quite a bit of dancing and meeting some interesting people some who didn't even blink twice when speaking to me.
Wednesday Christmas Meal (The Village Manchester)
Kate and Mrs K had organised the Northern Angels Christmas Meal and what a great event it was.
I had got to my hotel room in the afternoon. My friend Diana was arriving a bit later staying in the hotel just down the road.
I had plenty time to get ready, but ran into what good be described as a bad hair moment. It ended up Diana was ready before me and when she called I was probably in a bit of a panic. She came round and calmed me down and I got my act together and finished getting ready.
We went off down to Velvet where we were having the meal. We met up with everyone it was fantastic to see Kate, Mrs K , Kay Denise, Amanda, again and meet Cathy and Mrs C and there was another couple who's names escape me. I sorry to say I'm terrible at remembering names. I really enjoyed the meal and the wonderful company. For me this was Christmas.
One downer was two students not from Manchester I might add came right up to me when I was out having a smoke and said, 'Look there's another one, I told you we would see another one'. I just shook my head with a disgusted look and said 'F@%k off.. They soon took off. Lucky for them I'm quite easy going, but one of these days if they keep that up they might get more that they bargained for.
After the meal we went to Naps for some dancing to round a wonderful evening off. Diana was struggling a bit with bruised ribs she had suffered a few days before.
About 2am I left with Kate and Mrs K.
Thursday (First Trip to the Theatre)
Thursday morning Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester and we went to the Palace Theatre to get tickets for the Rocky Horror Show. Now I must admit I was a bit dubious about going.My first wife loved the music and the film so we rented it one night. The music was ok, but the film made me feel a bit uneasy. It just seemed full of every cliche going and stereotype. A Few months later I came out to her and it didn't go well. we ended up divorcing, but in the end it wasn't me being transgender that ended it. It would have ended eventually. There is no point going into details, but it ended amicably.
After getting changed and a early meal in Taurus we made our way to the Palace Theatre. Now I would say we were quite well dressed. I was actually wearing a nice dress for a second night in a row. Unusual for me. Most of the time I wear jeans and a top, but it is nice to get dressed up.
When we got to the theatre it got a bit surreal. A lot of women dressed as french maids and men dressed in basques and stockings. When we got inside I think we confused a few people. A mother and daughter sitting in front of us started chatting to us and started to compliment us on our costume and realised we weren't dressed up for the show, but we were real so to speak. I think they were a bit embarrassed, but it was ok if not a bit funny. The lady selling the ice cream also complimented us saying how well dressed we were. I think we confused a few people. I quite enjoyed the show and in a strange sort of way I got a monkey of my back.
Friday (Leeds)
Diana agreed to go through to Leeds with me to check out the scene and do some shopping. I am sorry to say I forgot about Diana's ribs. I think she was still in quite a bit of pain and walking her round Leeds was probably not a good idea and the seats on the train are not the most comfortable and the trains both ways were very busy.
The main pedestrian shopping centre is on Briggate and further down is the gay quarter which seems to be a safe area. We went in one bar the Viaduct which apparently is quite popular with lesbians. We did say hello to a group who came in. They were fine if not a bit loud. The barman gave us an overview of the area and the bars and clubs as relates to us. It seems like it might be a good night out.
It came time to get back to Manchester. The train was even busier. A bit like the tube at rush hour in London.
We got back ok and went to Eden for something to eat. Diana was going to head off home afterwards.
I'd had a great day out, but I did feel a bit bad for Di she seemed to be in a bit of pain.
Diana if you read this thank you for your help and support. You have helped more than you know. .
After Di left for home. I dropped my shopping off in the hotel room and decided to go for a couple of drinks before having an early night. It had been an intense three days. I ended up in Naps about 10pm where I met three women on a works night out. I got talking to them after an admirer kept at me and couldn't understand that I wasn't interested.
One asked if I was ok. I told them I was and it was a pain when these admirers couldn't take no for an answer and that I wasn't interested in men. They seemed surprised by this and asked if I just liked dressing up. I said yes, but its a bit more complicated than that. We got chatting and they asked me about the Village, also asked if I got a lot of problems with some men.I told them it only becomes a problem if they start grabbing you and then I stop being polite. They asked me if I would like to come with them, unfortunately I had to decline. it had been a long day and I was quite tired so I said goodnight and went back to the hotel.
Saturday (A Wonderful Meal ) ,
I'd had a good sleep and after I got ready it was into the city center to do some shopping. First I had to get some breakfast, I went to Subway for a bacon sub and coffee. Now I was ready. L did my usual wandering round loads of shops seeing if anything caught my eye. I bought a top and another pair of jeans from New Look. In Dorothy Perkins a dress caught my eye, but I decided to think about it so i went for a coffee. I also texted Kate to find out what her and Mrs K's plans were for the evening.
Sitting in a cafe in the Arndale Centre watching people going by out shopping. I felt very relaxed, no stress all my worries had melted away. When I'm out I get these moments and I find it a beautiful time where everything is just right.
I got a text from Kate and then rang her. Kate suggested I come out to their home and we could have something to eat and then head of into the Village later on. I had been out to their home before and I was honoured to be invited back.
I said I would get the train in about an hour and then Kate would pick me up from the station.
I decided to buy the dress, see picture.
I was really pleased with it and wore it out that night in the Village.
I headed to the train station very happy with the my day shopping and caught the train.
Kate met me at the station and we drove to her house. Mrs K turned up a little later.
Kate cooked a lovely Chinese meal which we had with a really good home made wine. Sitting with Kate and Mrs K having a beautiful meal, chatting about various things I felt amazing.Two of my best friends who have really helped me come through a very frightening time. Kate was actually one of the first girls I met when I started going out in Manchester. I think we have all come a long way. I probably would never have got on a train if it wasn't for Kate's help and that opened up a whole new world for me. They are a wonderful couple who I can't thank enough.
They also gave me a Christmas present, which I won't open till Christmas and a card, Karen's first, which I will treasure.
The 2 Kate's got ready to go out to the Village. They dropped me off at my hotel so I could redo my make up and get changed.
Back at the hotel I got ready as quick as I could and wore my new dress. I felt like a million dollars.
We met up in Naps where we danced a lot. A wonderful night came to a close just after 3am.
We hugged and wished each other a Happy Christmas and New Year.I felt a bit sad, but hopefully I'll see them again early next year.
Sunday ( York )
I had a lie in and got up about 10am and then went to the train station about midday. I was torn between going to York or Sheffield. I decided on York as I had always wanted a look around.
Problems with the trains meant it would be about 45 minutes late.
On the platform in Piccadilly a very well dressed Irish lady asked me if I had a light for her cigarette.
I said I did but, it was illegal to smoke on the platform even though it's open. She seemed very annoyed but thanked me. About 15 minutes later she came back and told me she had spoken to one of the platform staff and managed to get a smoke. She asked me where I was off to and we had a chat. She wasn't in the least phased even with my voice. Her train came and she wished me a good day out.
My train eventually turned up. The journey was uneventful and I had bought a magazine to pass the time.
In York I had a wander round the Museum Gardens York Minster and the city centre which was packed.
It really was busy which was a shame. I think next time I'll go midweek when it's hopefully quieter. I did buy Sarah Mclachlan's Storytellers DVD.
The train back to Manchester was packed, but thankfully I got a seat after Leeds.
Back in Manchester I went for a meal in Villagios everywhere else was busy. A couple of drinks in Taurus an interesting chat which a very frightening looking bloke outside Via who told me to make sure I looked after myself because he thought I was a kind person .
I went back to the hotel. Another wonderful 5 days over. It had been a wonderful time, but as they say all good things come to an end.
It's been a strange year. Some amazing highs and very frightening lows. I've been in contact with some wonderful people, My friends have helped me see life is there to be lived and I try to the best I can.
To everyone who reads this blog, sorry I had to do another monster post.
Have a Happy Christmas and New Year
Karen xxx
Wednesday Christmas Meal (The Village Manchester)
Kate and Mrs K had organised the Northern Angels Christmas Meal and what a great event it was.
I had got to my hotel room in the afternoon. My friend Diana was arriving a bit later staying in the hotel just down the road.
I had plenty time to get ready, but ran into what good be described as a bad hair moment. It ended up Diana was ready before me and when she called I was probably in a bit of a panic. She came round and calmed me down and I got my act together and finished getting ready.
We went off down to Velvet where we were having the meal. We met up with everyone it was fantastic to see Kate, Mrs K , Kay Denise, Amanda, again and meet Cathy and Mrs C and there was another couple who's names escape me. I sorry to say I'm terrible at remembering names. I really enjoyed the meal and the wonderful company. For me this was Christmas.
One downer was two students not from Manchester I might add came right up to me when I was out having a smoke and said, 'Look there's another one, I told you we would see another one'. I just shook my head with a disgusted look and said 'F@%k off.. They soon took off. Lucky for them I'm quite easy going, but one of these days if they keep that up they might get more that they bargained for.
After the meal we went to Naps for some dancing to round a wonderful evening off. Diana was struggling a bit with bruised ribs she had suffered a few days before.
About 2am I left with Kate and Mrs K.
Thursday (First Trip to the Theatre)
Thursday morning Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester and we went to the Palace Theatre to get tickets for the Rocky Horror Show. Now I must admit I was a bit dubious about going.My first wife loved the music and the film so we rented it one night. The music was ok, but the film made me feel a bit uneasy. It just seemed full of every cliche going and stereotype. A Few months later I came out to her and it didn't go well. we ended up divorcing, but in the end it wasn't me being transgender that ended it. It would have ended eventually. There is no point going into details, but it ended amicably.
After getting changed and a early meal in Taurus we made our way to the Palace Theatre. Now I would say we were quite well dressed. I was actually wearing a nice dress for a second night in a row. Unusual for me. Most of the time I wear jeans and a top, but it is nice to get dressed up.
When we got to the theatre it got a bit surreal. A lot of women dressed as french maids and men dressed in basques and stockings. When we got inside I think we confused a few people. A mother and daughter sitting in front of us started chatting to us and started to compliment us on our costume and realised we weren't dressed up for the show, but we were real so to speak. I think they were a bit embarrassed, but it was ok if not a bit funny. The lady selling the ice cream also complimented us saying how well dressed we were. I think we confused a few people. I quite enjoyed the show and in a strange sort of way I got a monkey of my back.
Friday (Leeds)
Diana agreed to go through to Leeds with me to check out the scene and do some shopping. I am sorry to say I forgot about Diana's ribs. I think she was still in quite a bit of pain and walking her round Leeds was probably not a good idea and the seats on the train are not the most comfortable and the trains both ways were very busy.
The main pedestrian shopping centre is on Briggate and further down is the gay quarter which seems to be a safe area. We went in one bar the Viaduct which apparently is quite popular with lesbians. We did say hello to a group who came in. They were fine if not a bit loud. The barman gave us an overview of the area and the bars and clubs as relates to us. It seems like it might be a good night out.
It came time to get back to Manchester. The train was even busier. A bit like the tube at rush hour in London.
We got back ok and went to Eden for something to eat. Diana was going to head off home afterwards.
I'd had a great day out, but I did feel a bit bad for Di she seemed to be in a bit of pain.
Diana if you read this thank you for your help and support. You have helped more than you know. .
After Di left for home. I dropped my shopping off in the hotel room and decided to go for a couple of drinks before having an early night. It had been an intense three days. I ended up in Naps about 10pm where I met three women on a works night out. I got talking to them after an admirer kept at me and couldn't understand that I wasn't interested.
One asked if I was ok. I told them I was and it was a pain when these admirers couldn't take no for an answer and that I wasn't interested in men. They seemed surprised by this and asked if I just liked dressing up. I said yes, but its a bit more complicated than that. We got chatting and they asked me about the Village, also asked if I got a lot of problems with some men.I told them it only becomes a problem if they start grabbing you and then I stop being polite. They asked me if I would like to come with them, unfortunately I had to decline. it had been a long day and I was quite tired so I said goodnight and went back to the hotel.
Saturday (A Wonderful Meal ) ,
I'd had a good sleep and after I got ready it was into the city center to do some shopping. First I had to get some breakfast, I went to Subway for a bacon sub and coffee. Now I was ready. L did my usual wandering round loads of shops seeing if anything caught my eye. I bought a top and another pair of jeans from New Look. In Dorothy Perkins a dress caught my eye, but I decided to think about it so i went for a coffee. I also texted Kate to find out what her and Mrs K's plans were for the evening.
Sitting in a cafe in the Arndale Centre watching people going by out shopping. I felt very relaxed, no stress all my worries had melted away. When I'm out I get these moments and I find it a beautiful time where everything is just right.
I got a text from Kate and then rang her. Kate suggested I come out to their home and we could have something to eat and then head of into the Village later on. I had been out to their home before and I was honoured to be invited back.
I said I would get the train in about an hour and then Kate would pick me up from the station.
I decided to buy the dress, see picture.
I was really pleased with it and wore it out that night in the Village.
I headed to the train station very happy with the my day shopping and caught the train.
Kate met me at the station and we drove to her house. Mrs K turned up a little later.
Kate cooked a lovely Chinese meal which we had with a really good home made wine. Sitting with Kate and Mrs K having a beautiful meal, chatting about various things I felt amazing.Two of my best friends who have really helped me come through a very frightening time. Kate was actually one of the first girls I met when I started going out in Manchester. I think we have all come a long way. I probably would never have got on a train if it wasn't for Kate's help and that opened up a whole new world for me. They are a wonderful couple who I can't thank enough.
They also gave me a Christmas present, which I won't open till Christmas and a card, Karen's first, which I will treasure.
The 2 Kate's got ready to go out to the Village. They dropped me off at my hotel so I could redo my make up and get changed.
Back at the hotel I got ready as quick as I could and wore my new dress. I felt like a million dollars.
We met up in Naps where we danced a lot. A wonderful night came to a close just after 3am.
We hugged and wished each other a Happy Christmas and New Year.I felt a bit sad, but hopefully I'll see them again early next year.
Sunday ( York )
I had a lie in and got up about 10am and then went to the train station about midday. I was torn between going to York or Sheffield. I decided on York as I had always wanted a look around.
Problems with the trains meant it would be about 45 minutes late.
On the platform in Piccadilly a very well dressed Irish lady asked me if I had a light for her cigarette.
I said I did but, it was illegal to smoke on the platform even though it's open. She seemed very annoyed but thanked me. About 15 minutes later she came back and told me she had spoken to one of the platform staff and managed to get a smoke. She asked me where I was off to and we had a chat. She wasn't in the least phased even with my voice. Her train came and she wished me a good day out.
My train eventually turned up. The journey was uneventful and I had bought a magazine to pass the time.
In York I had a wander round the Museum Gardens York Minster and the city centre which was packed.
The train back to Manchester was packed, but thankfully I got a seat after Leeds.
Back in Manchester I went for a meal in Villagios everywhere else was busy. A couple of drinks in Taurus an interesting chat which a very frightening looking bloke outside Via who told me to make sure I looked after myself because he thought I was a kind person .
I went back to the hotel. Another wonderful 5 days over. It had been a wonderful time, but as they say all good things come to an end.
It's been a strange year. Some amazing highs and very frightening lows. I've been in contact with some wonderful people, My friends have helped me see life is there to be lived and I try to the best I can.
To everyone who reads this blog, sorry I had to do another monster post.
Have a Happy Christmas and New Year
Karen xxx
Saturday, 5 December 2009
On My Travels Again. Manchester to Birmingham
I spent another wonderful two days out and managed to see another new place.
I stayed in the Village in Manchester. It's becoming a bit of a second home. Being a Wednesday and Concord night there were quite a few girls out. I met 2 friends I hadn't seen for a long time Jane and Kay Denise. It really was lovely to see them both and have a quick chat. Jane from her blog I know is having a few challenges which I really hope she can overcome.She really is a lovely lady. KD was one of the first girls I met
when I first went to the Village. She gave me some invaluable advice which I've never forgotten. It's always a pleasure to see her.
Kate and myself had a meal in Taurus where we also met up with Diana, Mandy and Tina. I hadn't seen any of the 3 of them for at least a couple of months. It was fantastic to catch up. I am really lucky to have such wonderful friends and it's always a joy to see them.
Kate and myself were planning a day out in Birmingham the next day, so we didn't stay out to long. I think I went back to the hotel about 1am.
I couldn't get the train to Birmingham until 10 07am otherwise it would be double the fare. I would be meeting Kate in the early afternoon. These train journeys are becoming just natural now when I am out.I am quite happy to take the train, but in saying that I know I've got to be sensible and not put myself in a vulnerable position. I have to think as much like a woman out on her own as much as I can. I know I get read, but I'm not going to wander round looking scared. My voice really gives me away, but if someone speaks to me, I try to speak in a softer tone, but with confidence,
The train journey, uneventful took about an hour and a half. A lady with her daughter thought I was sitting in her seat. When she asked me I replied that these seats were not reserved. She did stop for a moment and then asked her daughter if they were in the right coach. It turned out they were in the wrong one. She apologised and then sat down next to me and told her daughter to sit in a seat across the aisle. I said to her not to worry, these electronic displays can be a nightmare. She agreed and then told her daughter off for not reading it right. I don't seem to frighten people off. There were other seats they could have sat in.
When I met Kate we decided to get something to eat. She knew of a place in the Pallisades which was basically a greasy spoon. After an all day breakfast each we were ready to have a trip round the shops. Kate knows Birmingham quite well, but this was her first time out in Birmingham presenting as female. We got pictures with the big bull at the Bull Ring. We went up through the Christmas Market which was really big, far bigger than Manchester. There was just a lovely atmosphere about the whole place. We both bought some jewellery from a little shop Kate knew.
It came time for us to head back to the station. We managed to miss 2 trains. One because it actually left early. The other was my fault because I suggested we go for a coffee and then forgot the time.
Eventually we got a train back to Manchester and arrived just after 8pm. We got a bite to eat in Taurus and had a good chat about the day.I'd had a wonderful dayl and I hope Kate had enjoyed herself as well.
Birmingham is a city I would definitely like to visit again. Kate had to take another short journey home on the trrain so I asked her to text me when she got there because time was getting on and I was concenrned that she'd be ok. She did get home ok which was a relief.
I'd had another wonderful time out and it was fantastic seeing so many friends which was unexpected.
Thank you Kate for showing me round Birmingham.
Karen
xxx
I stayed in the Village in Manchester. It's becoming a bit of a second home. Being a Wednesday and Concord night there were quite a few girls out. I met 2 friends I hadn't seen for a long time Jane and Kay Denise. It really was lovely to see them both and have a quick chat. Jane from her blog I know is having a few challenges which I really hope she can overcome.She really is a lovely lady. KD was one of the first girls I met
when I first went to the Village. She gave me some invaluable advice which I've never forgotten. It's always a pleasure to see her.
Kate and myself had a meal in Taurus where we also met up with Diana, Mandy and Tina. I hadn't seen any of the 3 of them for at least a couple of months. It was fantastic to catch up. I am really lucky to have such wonderful friends and it's always a joy to see them.
Kate and myself were planning a day out in Birmingham the next day, so we didn't stay out to long. I think I went back to the hotel about 1am.
I couldn't get the train to Birmingham until 10 07am otherwise it would be double the fare. I would be meeting Kate in the early afternoon. These train journeys are becoming just natural now when I am out.I am quite happy to take the train, but in saying that I know I've got to be sensible and not put myself in a vulnerable position. I have to think as much like a woman out on her own as much as I can. I know I get read, but I'm not going to wander round looking scared. My voice really gives me away, but if someone speaks to me, I try to speak in a softer tone, but with confidence,
The train journey, uneventful took about an hour and a half. A lady with her daughter thought I was sitting in her seat. When she asked me I replied that these seats were not reserved. She did stop for a moment and then asked her daughter if they were in the right coach. It turned out they were in the wrong one. She apologised and then sat down next to me and told her daughter to sit in a seat across the aisle. I said to her not to worry, these electronic displays can be a nightmare. She agreed and then told her daughter off for not reading it right. I don't seem to frighten people off. There were other seats they could have sat in.
When the train arrived I had a bit of time before I was due to meet Kate so I went off for a wander, I don't know Birmingham. I had been there before but only briefly and that had been a long time ago. Going round the shops everybody was really nice and I really got a good impression, I had to smile when I was called 'duck'. In the midlands its a common expression and I must admit it always makes me smile. I did buy a nice little black dress in Monsoon. I really do love that shop , but it is expensive, but sometimes you've just got to.
It came time to meet Kate so I headed back to New St.When I met Kate we decided to get something to eat. She knew of a place in the Pallisades which was basically a greasy spoon. After an all day breakfast each we were ready to have a trip round the shops. Kate knows Birmingham quite well, but this was her first time out in Birmingham presenting as female. We got pictures with the big bull at the Bull Ring. We went up through the Christmas Market which was really big, far bigger than Manchester. There was just a lovely atmosphere about the whole place. We both bought some jewellery from a little shop Kate knew.
It came time for us to head back to the station. We managed to miss 2 trains. One because it actually left early. The other was my fault because I suggested we go for a coffee and then forgot the time.
Eventually we got a train back to Manchester and arrived just after 8pm. We got a bite to eat in Taurus and had a good chat about the day.I'd had a wonderful dayl and I hope Kate had enjoyed herself as well.
Birmingham is a city I would definitely like to visit again. Kate had to take another short journey home on the trrain so I asked her to text me when she got there because time was getting on and I was concenrned that she'd be ok. She did get home ok which was a relief.
I'd had another wonderful time out and it was fantastic seeing so many friends which was unexpected.
Thank you Kate for showing me round Birmingham.
Karen
xxx
Just had to add this photo of me with the bull.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
East to West (Another Hurdle Overcome)
Newcastle Friday
On Friday I went to Newcastle for a night out Bea, Gemma, Donna, Karen D, and Karen M. The hotel I stayed in was full of stag and hen parties same as the last time I stayed there. I wasn't really worried. My confidence must be getting better. I was still a bit nervous and there was no way I was using a lift full of drunken blokes. I always think to myself would my wife have done this. I try to think as much like her when it comes to awkward situations, well how I think she would have handled them.
We all met up at Twist and then went on to Puccinini's the Italian restaurant we dined in first time I was out in Newcastle.
I did bring up about my plans to travel to Manchester as female. I was told not to worry as I would be fine. I must admit I was still unsure. I had been fretting about this for some time.
Other subjects came up like transitioning and Gemma's friend, a genetic girl, wanted to know about how we viewed ourselves, basically our sexuality as she found it all very confusing.
All I could really say is don't confuse gender identity with sexuality. You look at anyone and just looking at bhow they present themselves you probably can't tell what their sexuality is 100% and that goes for everyone trans or not. Be comfortable with your own and you won't have a problem with other peoples. She asked about me and I said I'm hetrosexual, but really it dosen't interest me these days since my wife passed on. When I present as female it's not about sex. For me personally I cannot be female in bed so when it came to sex I am a hetrosexual male. We are all different, but don't make the mistake of confusing identity with sexuality. In the end all I can do is say about myself and really you have to get to know someone before making any judgements.
After the meal we went on to The Yard for a few drinks. The one thing that surprised me was that it was pretty quiet for a Friday night. I decided to leave about 1am because I wanted to get up reasonably early to get ready for the trip to Manchester. I had decided that I was going to make the most of my time out and confront another fear. Karen was going to Manchester on the train.
The Train Journey Saturday Morning
I awoke just after 7am. It looked a reasonable day a bit windy but not raining. I got ready and dressed to blend in. Jeans, a top, flat ankle boots and my coat. I also tried to use as little make up as possible.
Everything packed, I thought to myself I really need a bigger handbag. Wheeling my luggage down to the reception it was quite busy. At the desk I handed in the keycard and I thought here it comes she is going to use my male name. The receptionist didn't, but gave me a quite beautiful smile and asked if I had enjoyed my stay as I paid the bill. She wished me a good safe onward journey. I left probably with a very big smile. I walked up to the station which wasn't far away. I had to remember not to sling my bag over my shoulder when I couldn't wheel it. That wouldn't be very ladylike.
It was just after 9am and Newcastle station was relatively busy. I checked for the next train. I had to change at York and the train was in about10 minutes on the other side of the station, so off I went. I didn't notice anyone paying much attention to me. I felt good maybe I was blending in. The train a X-Country to Reading wasn't to full. I boarded and put my luggage in a rack and got a seat near it so I could keep an eye on it. 2 teenage girls sat in the seats ahead of me.and never batted an eyelid when they saw me. Actually I think they were to busy discussing the night before and what they had been up to.
The journey was uneventful. I wished I had a couple of magazines to read or my mp3 player. I texted Kate to let her know I was on my way and when I would be arriving and where we could meet.
York station was busy and that was the first leg over. Looking for my connection a Transpennine Express to Liverpool which made me smile. It really was Trans today. Sorry terrible joke. Coming over the bridge from another platform were a group of lads chanting and making a racket. I thought here we go. They were stopped by the police and then ejected from the station.. I caught the train which was busier than the last one.
At Leeds it really started to fill up. A lady sat down next to me. She could have sat elsewhere, but she smiled at me and then rummaged around in her handbag. Touched up her make up and then settled to read her magazine. By the time we got to Manchester it was standing room only.
Getting of the train I thought to myself you did it. I had this amazing sense of freedom. I had never really felt that before it was almost overwhelming. I have had intense feelings of happiness and joy when I've been out, but this was different. I can only think of one thing that could replicate that feeling and that can't happen. I hope where ever she is, she saw a truly amazing moment. For a short time I knew what it was to be free from my fears, everything, that is the only way I can describe it..
Saturday Afternoonm / Evening
I went to the hotel and found my room wasn't ready so they stored my bag and said it would be ready in an hour. I was a bit early. I to The View bar for a drink and meet up with Kate. When Kate arrived she looked really good. I know she has been dieting and she has lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw her.
It was great to see her again. By this time I probably had a smile that stretched back to Newcastle.
After going back to the hotel getting my room and a quick check of my face we went shopping. Arriving in the city and not having to get changed just added to the sense of freedom.
We went for something to eat in Debenhams as I hadn't had any breakfast. Out shopping I bought a pair of jeans size 10 which fit perfectly, better than any of bob's. A really nice jumper, a 14, I seem to be getting smaller. Hopefully my shoulders will shrink a bit more.While we were out the wind was quite strong and it rained quite a bit, but it didn't matter.
Later that evening after we had decided to get back and changed for the evening. We met up again for a meal in Velvet. It was great to catch up on everything that had happened since I was last down. It was a shame Mrs Kate didn't make it out, but hopefully she will next time.
We eventually we ended up in Naps which was quite warm and after dancing for nearly an hour my right leg began to feel a bit strange, but after cooling down everything returned to normal. I have a good idea what was wrong and it wasn't a problem. Kate was concerned, but I assured her I was fine.
The night came to an end and we parted company. I had had a fantastic time, we hugged and parted company. It was just after 3am and I thought being Sunday I wouldn't get up to early. It would turn out to be an intense emotional day.
Sunday
I got up just after 10am and decided to go for another wander round the shops and down to the Christmas Market. I ended up going to te Arndale Centre and bought a nice pair of flat shoes. I am a bit wary of heels at the moment. I also got some more jewelleryy. A thought struck me. I've been looking for Sarah McLachlan's dvd Mirrorballl for some while. I went off to HMV. They didn't have it, but they did have the Afterglow dvd and cd set. Needless to say I bought it. The link below is a song from the dvd.
.YouTube - "Possession (Live)"
Time was moving on and the Transgender Remembrance in Sackville Gardens was at 3 45 so I headed back to the Village..Later that night I posted on my other blog about the service. The link below takes you there.
Limbo Land: Transgender Day Of Remembrance
Afterwards I spoke to a few girls and Andrea Waddell's brother Nick in Taurus. He told me about his sister and we talked about Brighton and how he thought she would be safe there.Tragically that wasn't the case. My couple of times there left me with the impression of a very friendly tolerant place, but it only takes one, words fail me to describe the thing that murdered her.Later on before he left he came and hugged me. No more words were needed. I must admit I felt quite emotional.
I had interesting chat with Ellie who was really nice and told me some great stories and I hope her transition continues to go well. I spoke to a few other girls as well. It was just sad that we were all there for something that shouldn't be needed, but is.
After getting something to eat I went back to the hotel and wrote the post on Limbo Land it was something I needed to do. That blog is part of a multiple sclerosis blog list so perhaps some people outside the Trans World will read it and think why do these people have to suffer this violence and hopefully find we are just trying to live like anyone else.
The whole 3 days was like living on a rollercoaster, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am just sad that Sunday evening had to happen.
Look after yourselves out there
Karen xx
On Friday I went to Newcastle for a night out Bea, Gemma, Donna, Karen D, and Karen M. The hotel I stayed in was full of stag and hen parties same as the last time I stayed there. I wasn't really worried. My confidence must be getting better. I was still a bit nervous and there was no way I was using a lift full of drunken blokes. I always think to myself would my wife have done this. I try to think as much like her when it comes to awkward situations, well how I think she would have handled them.
We all met up at Twist and then went on to Puccinini's the Italian restaurant we dined in first time I was out in Newcastle.
I did bring up about my plans to travel to Manchester as female. I was told not to worry as I would be fine. I must admit I was still unsure. I had been fretting about this for some time.
Other subjects came up like transitioning and Gemma's friend, a genetic girl, wanted to know about how we viewed ourselves, basically our sexuality as she found it all very confusing.
All I could really say is don't confuse gender identity with sexuality. You look at anyone and just looking at bhow they present themselves you probably can't tell what their sexuality is 100% and that goes for everyone trans or not. Be comfortable with your own and you won't have a problem with other peoples. She asked about me and I said I'm hetrosexual, but really it dosen't interest me these days since my wife passed on. When I present as female it's not about sex. For me personally I cannot be female in bed so when it came to sex I am a hetrosexual male. We are all different, but don't make the mistake of confusing identity with sexuality. In the end all I can do is say about myself and really you have to get to know someone before making any judgements.
After the meal we went on to The Yard for a few drinks. The one thing that surprised me was that it was pretty quiet for a Friday night. I decided to leave about 1am because I wanted to get up reasonably early to get ready for the trip to Manchester. I had decided that I was going to make the most of my time out and confront another fear. Karen was going to Manchester on the train.
The Train Journey Saturday Morning
I awoke just after 7am. It looked a reasonable day a bit windy but not raining. I got ready and dressed to blend in. Jeans, a top, flat ankle boots and my coat. I also tried to use as little make up as possible.
Everything packed, I thought to myself I really need a bigger handbag. Wheeling my luggage down to the reception it was quite busy. At the desk I handed in the keycard and I thought here it comes she is going to use my male name. The receptionist didn't, but gave me a quite beautiful smile and asked if I had enjoyed my stay as I paid the bill. She wished me a good safe onward journey. I left probably with a very big smile. I walked up to the station which wasn't far away. I had to remember not to sling my bag over my shoulder when I couldn't wheel it. That wouldn't be very ladylike.
It was just after 9am and Newcastle station was relatively busy. I checked for the next train. I had to change at York and the train was in about10 minutes on the other side of the station, so off I went. I didn't notice anyone paying much attention to me. I felt good maybe I was blending in. The train a X-Country to Reading wasn't to full. I boarded and put my luggage in a rack and got a seat near it so I could keep an eye on it. 2 teenage girls sat in the seats ahead of me.and never batted an eyelid when they saw me. Actually I think they were to busy discussing the night before and what they had been up to.
The journey was uneventful. I wished I had a couple of magazines to read or my mp3 player. I texted Kate to let her know I was on my way and when I would be arriving and where we could meet.
York station was busy and that was the first leg over. Looking for my connection a Transpennine Express to Liverpool which made me smile. It really was Trans today. Sorry terrible joke. Coming over the bridge from another platform were a group of lads chanting and making a racket. I thought here we go. They were stopped by the police and then ejected from the station.. I caught the train which was busier than the last one.
At Leeds it really started to fill up. A lady sat down next to me. She could have sat elsewhere, but she smiled at me and then rummaged around in her handbag. Touched up her make up and then settled to read her magazine. By the time we got to Manchester it was standing room only.
Getting of the train I thought to myself you did it. I had this amazing sense of freedom. I had never really felt that before it was almost overwhelming. I have had intense feelings of happiness and joy when I've been out, but this was different. I can only think of one thing that could replicate that feeling and that can't happen. I hope where ever she is, she saw a truly amazing moment. For a short time I knew what it was to be free from my fears, everything, that is the only way I can describe it..
Saturday Afternoonm / Evening
I went to the hotel and found my room wasn't ready so they stored my bag and said it would be ready in an hour. I was a bit early. I to The View bar for a drink and meet up with Kate. When Kate arrived she looked really good. I know she has been dieting and she has lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw her.
It was great to see her again. By this time I probably had a smile that stretched back to Newcastle.
After going back to the hotel getting my room and a quick check of my face we went shopping. Arriving in the city and not having to get changed just added to the sense of freedom.
We went for something to eat in Debenhams as I hadn't had any breakfast. Out shopping I bought a pair of jeans size 10 which fit perfectly, better than any of bob's. A really nice jumper, a 14, I seem to be getting smaller. Hopefully my shoulders will shrink a bit more.While we were out the wind was quite strong and it rained quite a bit, but it didn't matter.
Later that evening after we had decided to get back and changed for the evening. We met up again for a meal in Velvet. It was great to catch up on everything that had happened since I was last down. It was a shame Mrs Kate didn't make it out, but hopefully she will next time.
We eventually we ended up in Naps which was quite warm and after dancing for nearly an hour my right leg began to feel a bit strange, but after cooling down everything returned to normal. I have a good idea what was wrong and it wasn't a problem. Kate was concerned, but I assured her I was fine.
The night came to an end and we parted company. I had had a fantastic time, we hugged and parted company. It was just after 3am and I thought being Sunday I wouldn't get up to early. It would turn out to be an intense emotional day.
Sunday
I got up just after 10am and decided to go for another wander round the shops and down to the Christmas Market. I ended up going to te Arndale Centre and bought a nice pair of flat shoes. I am a bit wary of heels at the moment. I also got some more jewelleryy. A thought struck me. I've been looking for Sarah McLachlan's dvd Mirrorballl for some while. I went off to HMV. They didn't have it, but they did have the Afterglow dvd and cd set. Needless to say I bought it. The link below is a song from the dvd.
.YouTube - "Possession (Live)"
Time was moving on and the Transgender Remembrance in Sackville Gardens was at 3 45 so I headed back to the Village..Later that night I posted on my other blog about the service. The link below takes you there.
Limbo Land: Transgender Day Of Remembrance
Afterwards I spoke to a few girls and Andrea Waddell's brother Nick in Taurus. He told me about his sister and we talked about Brighton and how he thought she would be safe there.Tragically that wasn't the case. My couple of times there left me with the impression of a very friendly tolerant place, but it only takes one, words fail me to describe the thing that murdered her.Later on before he left he came and hugged me. No more words were needed. I must admit I felt quite emotional.
I had interesting chat with Ellie who was really nice and told me some great stories and I hope her transition continues to go well. I spoke to a few other girls as well. It was just sad that we were all there for something that shouldn't be needed, but is.
After getting something to eat I went back to the hotel and wrote the post on Limbo Land it was something I needed to do. That blog is part of a multiple sclerosis blog list so perhaps some people outside the Trans World will read it and think why do these people have to suffer this violence and hopefully find we are just trying to live like anyone else.
The whole 3 days was like living on a rollercoaster, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am just sad that Sunday evening had to happen.
Look after yourselves out there
Karen xx
Sunday, 18 October 2009
3Ks and a Confidence Boost
I had a great couple of days out in Newcastle which gave me a real confidence boost.
I met up with the girls in Twist. I was first there as I'm always chopping at the bit to get out if I haven't been out in a while. It had been nearly a month which is quite short since last time.
Bea, Karen Dawn, Karen Mayo, Claire and a lady friend of Bea's turned up. Altogether there were 3 of us called Karen which got a bit confusing, hence the 3Ks in the title.
We moved on to an Indian restaurant where we met up with Christine and Gemma. I only knew Bea, Gemma and Karen Dawn so it was great to meet the other girls. I had a good chat with Claire and Christine. Claire was struggling a bit as she had had a long drive and was feeling very tired.
We had a really nice meal and then moved on to The Yard A T friendly gay bar. Christine, Claire, and Bea's friend decided to call it a night. At the Yard I got talking to a few other girls and a genetic girl who gave me all sorts of compliments about my make up, hair (wig) and how I was dressed which was really nice. I also got similar comments from a couple of gay guys in their twenties. Who were talking to Bea and Karen Dawn. It was refreshing that the conversation with them didn't revolve around sex.
I had a nice chat with Karen Mayo who is having her surgery early next year. I think Bea and myself were the only ones not transitioning. Karen seemed to be quite worried about me and thought I had fallen over somewhere when I disappeared for awhile. I was just in the queue for the toliet. A real disadvantage for women if you are desperate.
The night came to an end. Gemma offered to give me a lift, but the hotel was quite near so I said I would be ok.
The hotel was opposite the train station and on the way back it was quite busy. Nobody paid any attention to me which was great it can be quite wild round there.
Saturday morning I went out about 10am. Now I was a bit nervous about going out in the city centre. It felt like a totally different proposition to Manchester which probably see's more transgender people. My fears were unfounded. I got a couple of looks from some people, but that is to be expected I guess, but nothing bad. A lot of teenagers were out in the city centre, but none gave me any hassle. All the shop assistants I spoke to were really nice and very helpful. I didn't actually buy much, the queues were quite long, but I did get a really nice top that I am really pleased with.
I had said to Bea I would text her in the morning and we could meet up. Now it gets a bit complicated. I had been in touch with Andrea via the Angels Forum a friend of Bea's who lives in Durham. I said I could get the train out and meet up with her and Mrs Andrea. Now I had never met them because they both couldn't make it out the couple of times I had been in Newcastle before. Now to cut a long story short after a few texts, Bea turned up I think with a hangover.
We went for a coffee and I told her Andrea had been in touch so Bea decided we could drive through to Durham.
This was a real first for me I had never been to Durham at all and I would like to get a better a look around sometime as we didn't have much time. It was great to finally meet Andrea and Mrs Andrea. Andrea is out virtually out full time similar to Bea in some respects. I know she has had some problems, but is overcoming them and I wish them both all the best.
The evening came to an end and after dropping off the 2 Andreas, Bea ran me back to my hotel.
I got an early night after all the nerves I did feel drained and very tired.
I had really enjoyed myself and got a massive confidence boost.
I feel more at ease with myself and presenting as female just feels so right for me. I know I will never completely escape the closet, but I am finding a balance with more freedom.
That for me is all I really want after everything that has happened this year. The friends I have made, some I've met, some I haven't, have been an immense help for which I can never thank them enough.
Karen xxx
I met up with the girls in Twist. I was first there as I'm always chopping at the bit to get out if I haven't been out in a while. It had been nearly a month which is quite short since last time.
Bea, Karen Dawn, Karen Mayo, Claire and a lady friend of Bea's turned up. Altogether there were 3 of us called Karen which got a bit confusing, hence the 3Ks in the title.
We moved on to an Indian restaurant where we met up with Christine and Gemma. I only knew Bea, Gemma and Karen Dawn so it was great to meet the other girls. I had a good chat with Claire and Christine. Claire was struggling a bit as she had had a long drive and was feeling very tired.
We had a really nice meal and then moved on to The Yard A T friendly gay bar. Christine, Claire, and Bea's friend decided to call it a night. At the Yard I got talking to a few other girls and a genetic girl who gave me all sorts of compliments about my make up, hair (wig) and how I was dressed which was really nice. I also got similar comments from a couple of gay guys in their twenties. Who were talking to Bea and Karen Dawn. It was refreshing that the conversation with them didn't revolve around sex.
I had a nice chat with Karen Mayo who is having her surgery early next year. I think Bea and myself were the only ones not transitioning. Karen seemed to be quite worried about me and thought I had fallen over somewhere when I disappeared for awhile. I was just in the queue for the toliet. A real disadvantage for women if you are desperate.
The night came to an end. Gemma offered to give me a lift, but the hotel was quite near so I said I would be ok.
The hotel was opposite the train station and on the way back it was quite busy. Nobody paid any attention to me which was great it can be quite wild round there.
Saturday morning I went out about 10am. Now I was a bit nervous about going out in the city centre. It felt like a totally different proposition to Manchester which probably see's more transgender people. My fears were unfounded. I got a couple of looks from some people, but that is to be expected I guess, but nothing bad. A lot of teenagers were out in the city centre, but none gave me any hassle. All the shop assistants I spoke to were really nice and very helpful. I didn't actually buy much, the queues were quite long, but I did get a really nice top that I am really pleased with.
I had said to Bea I would text her in the morning and we could meet up. Now it gets a bit complicated. I had been in touch with Andrea via the Angels Forum a friend of Bea's who lives in Durham. I said I could get the train out and meet up with her and Mrs Andrea. Now I had never met them because they both couldn't make it out the couple of times I had been in Newcastle before. Now to cut a long story short after a few texts, Bea turned up I think with a hangover.
We went for a coffee and I told her Andrea had been in touch so Bea decided we could drive through to Durham.
This was a real first for me I had never been to Durham at all and I would like to get a better a look around sometime as we didn't have much time. It was great to finally meet Andrea and Mrs Andrea. Andrea is out virtually out full time similar to Bea in some respects. I know she has had some problems, but is overcoming them and I wish them both all the best.
The evening came to an end and after dropping off the 2 Andreas, Bea ran me back to my hotel.
I got an early night after all the nerves I did feel drained and very tired.
I had really enjoyed myself and got a massive confidence boost.
I feel more at ease with myself and presenting as female just feels so right for me. I know I will never completely escape the closet, but I am finding a balance with more freedom.
That for me is all I really want after everything that has happened this year. The friends I have made, some I've met, some I haven't, have been an immense help for which I can never thank them enough.
Karen xxx
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Time Passes So Quickly
I spent a wonderful 5 days in Manchester and Blackpool virtually out full time. It's amazing how quickly the time passed. Unfortunately last time I did something similar awhile back my eye went haywire when I got home.
On the Wednesday when the train pulled into Manchester an overwhelming feeling of joy engulfed me. It felt like I was home. I get to be really me. Now Manchester wouldn't be described as beautiful city by many, but it is to me. I've heard some TG people say that staying in the Village is just swapping one closet for another,but really who cares. It's not a competition to see how far you can open the door. It's about living and enjoying life.
I got my room and then quickly went to the chemist to get some make up remover and assorted other bits and clear nail varnish. I've never worn nail varnish, but decided to give it a go. I must admit my nails do look better even with the clear.
That evening I met up with Kate and Diana, for a meal in Eden. It was great to see them both and catch up. In Naps there was a young gay lad bouncing around like a loon and was trying to look up my skirt so Diana told me when he was rolling about the dance floor. On the Friday when I went to the New Union where Diana was staying. While I was waiting for her in the bar 2 young lads who said they were free lance journalists asked me if they could interview me about the gay scene in Manchester. I told them that I am not gay, but they said they would still like my views. I've heard some lines in my time, but I said ok. They were polite and not being annoying. They did ask how I would describe my sexuality. I told them I am hetro, but haven't had sex in years and it does not bother me so I'm probably asexual. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by this. I told them me presenting as female does not have anything to do with sex. If the right woman came along fine.but I am not looking. I'm happy with who I am and I really don't want the trauma of coming out to a partner again. Diana turned up and recognised one of them. He was the lad who was rolling about the dance floor on Wednesday. Give him his due he was embarrassed and apologised. We both were asked some more questions. I always wonder why people have to equate being TG with sexuality. For me it's about my identity and I love being out just doing normal day to day things like shopping, going for a coffee, even just going for a walk when presenting as female. It's not overwhelming where I feel the need to transition. There was a time I felt I may be on that journey and it was a hellish confusing time for me. I don't know if there is a tipping point you reach, but if there is I didn't. I really don't know what people go through to get to where they have no choice but to transition. I have the greatest respect for them, because it is a tough journey to take, probably one of the toughest to take in this life. One of these days perhaps the society we live in will one day recognise that and stop the crap.
I guess I've got a bit of track.
On Thursday I was by myself so I went into the city centre to do some shopping. I bought a few tops, cardigans and a pair of ankle boots and a couple of pieces of jewellery. I had no problems. All the shop assistants were fantastic. I was probably wandering round with a big smile on my face. If you look happy I think people respond to that. That night I went to Taurus for a meal. I must say the staff in Taurus are great. I always enjoy eating there. A couple of drinks in View and I decided to have an early night, Back in my room I checked my email and stuck a DVD on,
Tomorrow I was meeting Kate and going to the Trafford Centre. I went to bed feeling like a very happy girl. Every time I'm out I never want it to end. It's like living in a beautiful dream, I know that's the best it will be, but a least I can live that dream for a short time. In that respect I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Friday morning I had to get the train to where I was meeting Kate. I had suggested this to save her driving into the city centre to pick me up as we were going out to the Trafford Centre. It turned out I had to change trains at Oxford Road. I could have walked to Oxford Road but couldn't remember how to get there. The first train was absolutely packed. The second was the completely the opposite. I got to where I was going and met Kate. We went to her house first for a coffee and to see Mrs Kate who was feeling under a bit under the weather. It was good to see Mrs Kate wasn't to bad she said she would be out with Kate on Saturday. The 2 Kates are a lovely couple and it was an honour to see their beautiful home.
We went off to the Trafford Centre for a great afternoon shopping and lunch. It was great being able to have a chat with Kate without the loud music you get in the bars at night in the Village. I love getting out with my friends during the day and just doing everyday stuff. Afterwards Kate ran me back to the Village.
That night I met up with Diana during the infamous interview. We went for a meal in Taurus and Kate turned up as we finished. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, but Kate got something to eat and then we went to the New Union to find Emma and Mrs Emma. We didn't find them, but after a couple of texts we went over to Eden to see them. It was great to see them both and after a couple of drinks we all decided to go over to Manto a bar we had never been it before. Now leaving Eden I had a quite unsavory moment. I was last out and it was quite busy and we had to pass this bloke who was very drunk. 2 women were telling him to let us pass. As I was passing he grabbed me and put his arm round my shoulders. I told him to get of me and he just squeezed tighter. The 2 women told him to let me be. He thought this was funny.
I am not violent, but I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did not get his hands of me I would flatten him. He released me and gave me the stare, but thought better of doing anything as others were watching him now. There are lots of blokes about in this country who have to act like complete idiots and try to make other peoples lives a misery for their own amusement. To me the drunken antics of some people up and down the UK is a sad reflection of this country. I have no problem with people drinking, just the moronic behavior.
The next night, Saturday, we all met up in Velvet joined by Mrs Kate, Mandy and Tina. It was great to see them again. Before that Diana and myself did some more shopping in the afternoon we had to get back early as we were all meeting up about 6pm for a meal and then try a few places the others hadn't been in the Village. There was 8 of us in Velvet and we had a good meal, chat and a few laughs. We ended up going to few places later on, Churchhills, Spirit, New York New York and finally Naps New York New York was boiling. The heat got to be to much. I remember Mandy was suffering and I ended outside with her. I think I called it a night at about 3am. Later that morning Di and myself would take a trip up to Blackpool.
Di and myself got the train a Piccadilly. It took just over an hour to Blackpool it was a beautiful day actually very warm. We walked all the way to the South Pier and back again from the North Pier so we probably did a few miles. In a cafe Di left her jacket and I forgot to pay. The assistant came out after us and I was mortified. She was fine, but I felt really bad. We had a wander on to the South Pier but didn't stay long as it was really busy. We went to the Flying Handbag a T friendly bar and then a nearby Indian Restaurant. After the meal we went back to the Flying Handbag for a couple more drinks and met Karen another tgirl up from North Wales I think.
It came time for us to get the train back to Manchester. We got back about 10pm. We went for a couple of drinks in Taurus and then all to soon we parted company. My time out as Karen was effectively over.
I know a lot of what I have written is probably very boring, but for me being able to present as female makes me feel so alive. I can leave my male side behind for awhile. I am always very sad when my times out end and I know I will get down , but there is always next time.
To my friends, Kate, Mrs Kate, Diana, Emma. Mrs Emma, Mandy and Tina, if you read this and get this far, thank you for a fantastic 5 days.
Love
Karen xxx
On the Wednesday when the train pulled into Manchester an overwhelming feeling of joy engulfed me. It felt like I was home. I get to be really me. Now Manchester wouldn't be described as beautiful city by many, but it is to me. I've heard some TG people say that staying in the Village is just swapping one closet for another,but really who cares. It's not a competition to see how far you can open the door. It's about living and enjoying life.
I got my room and then quickly went to the chemist to get some make up remover and assorted other bits and clear nail varnish. I've never worn nail varnish, but decided to give it a go. I must admit my nails do look better even with the clear.
That evening I met up with Kate and Diana, for a meal in Eden. It was great to see them both and catch up. In Naps there was a young gay lad bouncing around like a loon and was trying to look up my skirt so Diana told me when he was rolling about the dance floor. On the Friday when I went to the New Union where Diana was staying. While I was waiting for her in the bar 2 young lads who said they were free lance journalists asked me if they could interview me about the gay scene in Manchester. I told them that I am not gay, but they said they would still like my views. I've heard some lines in my time, but I said ok. They were polite and not being annoying. They did ask how I would describe my sexuality. I told them I am hetro, but haven't had sex in years and it does not bother me so I'm probably asexual. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by this. I told them me presenting as female does not have anything to do with sex. If the right woman came along fine.but I am not looking. I'm happy with who I am and I really don't want the trauma of coming out to a partner again. Diana turned up and recognised one of them. He was the lad who was rolling about the dance floor on Wednesday. Give him his due he was embarrassed and apologised. We both were asked some more questions. I always wonder why people have to equate being TG with sexuality. For me it's about my identity and I love being out just doing normal day to day things like shopping, going for a coffee, even just going for a walk when presenting as female. It's not overwhelming where I feel the need to transition. There was a time I felt I may be on that journey and it was a hellish confusing time for me. I don't know if there is a tipping point you reach, but if there is I didn't. I really don't know what people go through to get to where they have no choice but to transition. I have the greatest respect for them, because it is a tough journey to take, probably one of the toughest to take in this life. One of these days perhaps the society we live in will one day recognise that and stop the crap.
I guess I've got a bit of track.
On Thursday I was by myself so I went into the city centre to do some shopping. I bought a few tops, cardigans and a pair of ankle boots and a couple of pieces of jewellery. I had no problems. All the shop assistants were fantastic. I was probably wandering round with a big smile on my face. If you look happy I think people respond to that. That night I went to Taurus for a meal. I must say the staff in Taurus are great. I always enjoy eating there. A couple of drinks in View and I decided to have an early night, Back in my room I checked my email and stuck a DVD on,
Tomorrow I was meeting Kate and going to the Trafford Centre. I went to bed feeling like a very happy girl. Every time I'm out I never want it to end. It's like living in a beautiful dream, I know that's the best it will be, but a least I can live that dream for a short time. In that respect I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Friday morning I had to get the train to where I was meeting Kate. I had suggested this to save her driving into the city centre to pick me up as we were going out to the Trafford Centre. It turned out I had to change trains at Oxford Road. I could have walked to Oxford Road but couldn't remember how to get there. The first train was absolutely packed. The second was the completely the opposite. I got to where I was going and met Kate. We went to her house first for a coffee and to see Mrs Kate who was feeling under a bit under the weather. It was good to see Mrs Kate wasn't to bad she said she would be out with Kate on Saturday. The 2 Kates are a lovely couple and it was an honour to see their beautiful home.
We went off to the Trafford Centre for a great afternoon shopping and lunch. It was great being able to have a chat with Kate without the loud music you get in the bars at night in the Village. I love getting out with my friends during the day and just doing everyday stuff. Afterwards Kate ran me back to the Village.
That night I met up with Diana during the infamous interview. We went for a meal in Taurus and Kate turned up as we finished. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, but Kate got something to eat and then we went to the New Union to find Emma and Mrs Emma. We didn't find them, but after a couple of texts we went over to Eden to see them. It was great to see them both and after a couple of drinks we all decided to go over to Manto a bar we had never been it before. Now leaving Eden I had a quite unsavory moment. I was last out and it was quite busy and we had to pass this bloke who was very drunk. 2 women were telling him to let us pass. As I was passing he grabbed me and put his arm round my shoulders. I told him to get of me and he just squeezed tighter. The 2 women told him to let me be. He thought this was funny.
I am not violent, but I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did not get his hands of me I would flatten him. He released me and gave me the stare, but thought better of doing anything as others were watching him now. There are lots of blokes about in this country who have to act like complete idiots and try to make other peoples lives a misery for their own amusement. To me the drunken antics of some people up and down the UK is a sad reflection of this country. I have no problem with people drinking, just the moronic behavior.
The next night, Saturday, we all met up in Velvet joined by Mrs Kate, Mandy and Tina. It was great to see them again. Before that Diana and myself did some more shopping in the afternoon we had to get back early as we were all meeting up about 6pm for a meal and then try a few places the others hadn't been in the Village. There was 8 of us in Velvet and we had a good meal, chat and a few laughs. We ended up going to few places later on, Churchhills, Spirit, New York New York and finally Naps New York New York was boiling. The heat got to be to much. I remember Mandy was suffering and I ended outside with her. I think I called it a night at about 3am. Later that morning Di and myself would take a trip up to Blackpool.
Di and myself got the train a Piccadilly. It took just over an hour to Blackpool it was a beautiful day actually very warm. We walked all the way to the South Pier and back again from the North Pier so we probably did a few miles. In a cafe Di left her jacket and I forgot to pay. The assistant came out after us and I was mortified. She was fine, but I felt really bad. We had a wander on to the South Pier but didn't stay long as it was really busy. We went to the Flying Handbag a T friendly bar and then a nearby Indian Restaurant. After the meal we went back to the Flying Handbag for a couple more drinks and met Karen another tgirl up from North Wales I think.
It came time for us to get the train back to Manchester. We got back about 10pm. We went for a couple of drinks in Taurus and then all to soon we parted company. My time out as Karen was effectively over.
I know a lot of what I have written is probably very boring, but for me being able to present as female makes me feel so alive. I can leave my male side behind for awhile. I am always very sad when my times out end and I know I will get down , but there is always next time.
To my friends, Kate, Mrs Kate, Diana, Emma. Mrs Emma, Mandy and Tina, if you read this and get this far, thank you for a fantastic 5 days.
Love
Karen xxx
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Alive and Kicking Again
Well the last post written while sitting in the hotel room waiting to go out is quite funny to me now. My fear was unfounded as I knew it would be. I looked out the window, I was up on the 4th floor. I had a view of the hotel entrance. There was a taxi rank which was quite busy and there were loads of people out smoking. I could hear lots of shouting. Getting a hotel in Newcastle can be difficult at the weekend due to the amount of stag and hen parties.I grabbed my handbag and went out the door. I closed my good eye for a few seconds walking down the corridor. The other one was definitely a bit worse, but I knew that wouldn't last. This really felt like that first time I walked out in Manchester. Into the lift, through the reception and outside. I walked by with my head up and a smile on my face not rushing. I didn't hear or see anything directed at me. I felt very nervous but really alive. All I could think off was 'This is me, and I love it.
Out on the street I was heading towards the Centre for Life which wasn't far away. I was meeting Bea and whoever else was coming out in a bar called Twist. I was first there even though I was a bit late, but that wasn't a problem. I got an orange juice, alcohol is virtually out these days, and I sat by the window. I had calmed down, but emotionally I seemed to be in overdrive. I was so happy to be out. Bea and Karen Dawn turned up and it fantastic to see Bea again and meet Karen. It seems there are a few Karen's in Newcastle, a popular name. Karen and myself had the idea that we should find as many girls called Karen and have a night out in Newcastle and totally confuse Bea. Karen told me she has been coming out for about 3 months, but she has had a constant battle throughout her life and is heading towards transition. This has taken a toll on her personal life. A lovely lady, I really wish her all the best. Denny then turned up who I had met before. Denny is also in the process of transition, female to male and I think he said he had got his gender recognition certificate. Denny really is a nice bloke, a bit quiet, but I guess it's a bit difficult listening to us lot.
We went of to the Chinese restaurant where we met Gemma. Now there were a few good natured nose jokes. Gemma had not long had her nose done, and we got the photos and story. Bea did then go quieter. I thought Gemma looked really well and I got the feeling she was more confident in herself from the last time I saw her. She is a lovely lass and I hope everything continues to go well for her. We had a lovely meal. I got the hang of the chopsticks again. We all talked about various things. How life was treating us all. Happy and sad it was all there. It was a release for me. I've had to deal with a few things since I was last out and make a few changes. One thing I hope continues is being able to see my friends where ever they are in this country.
After the meal we went to a bar called the Yard. I lost everyone briefly thinking they had gone upstairs. Eventually I found them. Upstairs was packed, so not much chance off having a dance. A male admirer and his wife ended up talking to us. I got asked about my hands. They are the one thing that dosen't give me away. They are smaller or about the same size as some womens' I know. It also seems I look smaller than my actual height and I got complemented on my cheek bones. It is nice to get these compliments, but when you have another bloke standing at the bar staring at you it is a bit strange. I am hetrosexual, but these days sex isn't an issue at all. It's been a few years and these days I would be more than happy to just go out shopping with a girl. Men do not interest me at all.
One thing talking to Gemma and Karen and other girls since I've been getting out. I've wondered what effect the hormones would have on me. I've always wondered how I would be as a woman.
That journey isn't for me. I may not be much of a man, but I am and I do not have the will or courage to transition and all power to those that do. Taking hormones could be potentially very dangerous I guess, for me as my system is a bit screwed up. I have heard of a lady in the States who has MS and is continuing to transition that shows how much it means to those who take that road. It really is tough and that is understatement.
The night came to an end and we all hugged. Gemma had her car and was dropping Bea and Karen off.
It was the end of a fantastic night out. Next time in Newcastle I want to spend a couple of days there and go shopping, but Manchester is next and I basically get to live as I want for 5 days, but more importantly see more of my friends. I really am lucky.
May you realise your dreams and goals.
Love
Karen xx
P.S. The picture above is me in the restaurant really happy. It just felt right to put it with this post.
Friday, 21 August 2009
Stressed, but having fun I think
Sitting in the hotel in Newcastle at the moment and the place is full of stag and hen parties. I think half of Ireland is here. This is going to be fun. This is the first time I've stayed in a hotel not close to the Village in Manchester. Last time in Newcastle I stayed with Bea. It's all character building stuff. I guess I am a bit stressed the eye is worse, but I know that is only temporary. Better get back to getting ready. Should be funny reading this later.
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