8 Days Pt2 (Cartoon Characters, Steel Balls, Big Wheel and more Bangers & Mash

Sunday.

I had a longer lie in, getting up just after 9am. I took my time getting ready. Once I was ready I went for something to eat at a patisserie on Sackville Street. It was a beautiful day. My friend Diana would be arriving and staying till Tuesday evening. This was my 5th day and usually I would be thinking about going home the next day, I guess this is all boring stuff, but for me this is the nearest I get to a dream of being female. Perhaps some view that as strange or worse. Why I feel this overwhelming need to be the opposite gender I don't know. It's not sexual I haven't bothered for over 6 years and don't think about it much. I love shopping, don't look forward to the credit card bill. I love dancing when I get the chance and seeing new places. Simple pleasures that harm no one and yet why is it so difficult to want to be and present as female.Perhaps it is just myself that is stopping me.

I met up with Diana and we had a nice day shopping rounded off with a meal in the evening at Eden. She was staying at the New Union where I would be moving to on Monday.

Monday - Bangers and mash then Sex in the City the sequel.

I moved hotel to the New Union. I checked out about 11am and when I got to the Union. I met with Diana and it turned out  I could get my room straight away so I didn't have to leave my luggage in Diana's room.
We had a day shopping and also decided to go to the cinema that night.
Sex in the City 2 was on at the Printworks Odeon. We decided on the 9pm showing. We went for a meal in Taurus. Diana looked very glamorous. Me I looked like her dowdy friend. We decided to have a cocktail before the meal. I decided on a strawberry daiquiri not  something I've ever had before.

I really enjoyed it, but then I had bangers and mash again, a medley of different sausages. The venison sausage was wonderful as were the others.

After the meal we went for a taxi. I flagged one at the end of Canal Street. 

At the Printworks which has a collection of bars and is a popular place in Manchester we found the cinema.
In the cinema  Diana took some pictures of me with some displays for forthcoming films. I've started a page with some photos that are a bit different, just a bit of fun. It's on the right hand side of this blog..
Sex in the City 2 has been given bad reviews in the press, but I must say I really enjoyed it.
After the film we went back to Naps and discovered from a text we had not long missed Kate which was a real shame.
In Naps Diana and myself started discussing a few things. To my shame I got a bit bent out of shape and made a fool of myself. I ended up walking out leaving Diana in Naps.Back in my room I nearly burst into tears. The way I had spoke to my friend and walked out was totally wrong. I sent a text not expecting a reply. I felt I'd lost a good friend. She sent a text bad saying sorry she could be a bit insensitive at times. To be honest I was the one being insensitive not her, I was so relieved we were still friends
.We would have breakfast the next morning in the Rem.

                                                           

Me with Marmaduke in the Printworks

Tuesday

We went to the Rem where I got Diana breakfast. It was the least I could do. Diana would put her luggage in my room as she would be going home in the evening. It was a beautiful day. Diana took me to Aflecks Market where she had to buy a couple of things. I wondered if I would be able to pick up some Tarot cards. We had talked about my dabbling in palm reading and such things.  I didn't find any Tarot cards but did get a lovely necklace.
That evening we had a meal in Queer a bar on Canal St which we hadn't been in before. It was fine but the spare ribs were a challenge.
It came time that Diana had to go home. I helped her with her luggage to her car. We hugged and parted company. I was so relieved we were still friends I really thought I had screwed up. We have shared a few firsts and she has helped me more than she could know.

Wednesday - Sheffield ,Steel Balls, Fountains and a Big Wheel, Back to Manchester

                                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                      

I think this building is part of the University in Sheffield. I hope you are able to read the writing down the side.

When you come out of Sheffield train station you see the first of many fountains. It's all very well laid out. The next thing that struck me was how clean the city centre is. Probably the cleanest I've seen in the UK.

Outside the train station

Steel Wall Of Water Outside Station

.

I walked up into the city crntre not the biggest I've seen but I guess you have Meadowhall nearby.

It was turning into a scorcher of a day. The fountains looked very cool and inviting. I came across some unusual ones pictured below.

Steel Ball Fountains

I then saw the Big Wheel. I would have to go up on that after a look round the shops. I needed a new handbag as mine was starting to come apart. I got a nice one in TK Max which I think was a real bargain.

A student raising monry for something or other stopped me for a chat. Maybe I am daft but I put a couple of quid in  his tin. We chatted for a bit about Sheffield and where I was from, It was nice to be treated as just another person with no hint at anything unusual about me even though I couldn't pass in a million years even my voice didn't reveal a hint of surprise as it normally does , if not worse. I do try with my voice by trying to speak a bit softer, but my hearing is not the greatest and I know when I speak to people it does get louder especially if the person I am talking to speaks very softly. The worst reactions I tend to get are from other transgender people. I am very wary of initiating a conversation with another trans person I don't know. Like I've said before I love talking to and meeting people but because I don't pass I have to be careful. I've not explained this very well. I am not talking about verbal abuse which I've had from non trans people acting like idiots , but more subtle reactions.

I try as best I can when I am out and try not to embarrass anyone I am with whether I know them or not.

The Big Wheel was not busy so I decided to get a better look at Sheffield from height. I had been on the one in Manchester which I really enjoyed. Pictures are far better that anything I could write,

  

I got a great  view of Sheffield and really enjoyed the ride. Afterwards I went to Millennium Square for a coffee and a look round a couple of galleries. It was like a mini botanic garden under cover. A really nice place to take the weight of your feet.

Having a coffee in the jungle

It came time where I had to get back to Manchester if I wanted to miss the rush hour. That didn't work out as the trains were busy with people going to Manchester Airport. I had to stand, but it was only 50 minutes. 

Back in Manchester I went back to the hotel to drop of my cardigan and do a quick repair job on my make up. It had turned into a hot day. 

I realised I needed some more invisible bra straps I had already broke one from a previous set. It was my own fault and nothing to do with the quality of the set I had bought.

In the Arndale I couldn't find the shop I wanted but did find a great shoe shop 'Deichmann's' where I bought some nice white strappy sandals that fit perfectly. I could have spent a lot of money there and I will be back for another look. Afterwards I did get the straps and went for something to eat.

That evening Professor Stephen Whittle was due to give a talk at the Manchester Concord meeting but unfortunately he didn't make it. It was quite busy but as soon it was announced he wasn't coming most people left.

I did get talking to one girl who did not give me her name. Mary one of the organisers took my photo which is below. It turned out I didn't need the straps. 

After Concord I went to Naps where a lovely girl Lisa came over and spoke to me. We got a seat and had a nice chat. A bloke she was supposed to be meeting had stood her up. We got speaking about various thing T related including sex. She seemed surprised that I hadn't been with anyone for 6 years. To be honest I am not interested and don't care about people's sexuality. My biggest thrill these days is getting out shopping. She told me about a boyfriend who dumped her because her voice wasn't femme enough. She sounded fine to me.

I went upstairs for a dance, Lisa didn't fancy it so I was on my own. About 2am I decided to call it a night.  I did bump into Lisa before I left and we said our goodbyes. It would be nice to stay in touch. She did send a nice message when I got home.

An amazing 8 days was over. I had felt a range of emotions and  made a complete fool of myself. It was wonderful seeing my friends Kate, Mrs Kate who looked after me. Emma and Mrs Emma who I enjoyed seeing again if  not for to long and last but not least Diana, thank you for being so understanding. All of you made my time out a fantastic exprience.

8 days were over. I would swap watches the final reminder of what I was going back to.

This will probably be the last monster blog post I  think I will keep them shorter after when I hopefully get out again.

Thanks for readimg if you managed to without falling asleep.

For now I'll leave with a picture in The Manchester Peace Garden which sums up how I want to be, happy and at peace with myself.

Look after yourselves and each other.

Karen xxx  

8 Days Pt 1 (A Genius, Anti - Cult Activists plus Bangers and Mash)

If you read the last post you know I've been on my travels again, This time I was out for 8 days in Manchester the longest so far. It's over now and I can feel the black clouds gathering. There are somethings that hit very hard, but enough of that, writing it down helps to ease the pain so to speak, of being back as bob.

Wednesday

I got into Manchester with a couple of hours to spare before I could check into the hotel. I went to Taurus in The Village a bar and restaurant which has changing facilities. The lounge where  you can change was busy with a theatre group rehearsing. The barman asked if it would be ok if I changed behind the curtain where the mirror is. That was no problem. While I was doing  my make  up I could  hear the rehearsals. The was a comedy and I was trying not to laugh. Once I was ready it was getting near time for me to check in. I felt really happy and trundled off to the hotel and checked in. I had saved a couple of hours which allowed me to go into the city centre straight away to get some essentials.

That evening I met up with my friends Diana, Kate and Mrs Kate. I looked a bit different with the wig I wore and was in a skirt and blouse which makes a change for me. A visit to Manchester Concord and some dancing in Naps, then we parted company.


Thursday- Birmingham (Bangers and Mash and New Hair)

Kate had booked 3 train tickets for Mrs Kate, herself and me for a day out in Birmingham. I had been once before with Kate. I really like Birmingham it was a joy shopping there the first time and this was even better. We went for a wander after we got of the train and ended up at a sausage mash restaurant, well it was sort of upmarket sausage and mash. I enjoyed mine as I think the 2 Kates did as well. While we were eating Kate spotted 2 tgirls outside at the ATM  I never seem to spot other tgirls when I am out. Anyway the sausage and mash was great something I hadn't had for years. I would have some more before the week was out.

Fed and watered it was time to go shopping. I wanted to go to Selfridges as I knew there was a  Hot Hair wig concession who sell Natural Image wigs. I knew which style I wanted, it was the colours I needed to see. Unfortunately they did not have the style I wanted, but offered to ring House of Fraser to check if they did. I thanked them for their help, but said I would take a walk up there anyway. Meanwhile Mrs Kate was getting into the spirit of things and bought a half wig that goes with  her own hair, but changes the style dramatically. 

In House of Fraser the assistants could not have been better. They had the wig I wanted and and let me see every colour. I said I didn't need to try any on. They seemed surprised, but I really did not want to take my own off as I had it just right. I saw the colour I wanted and along with a bottle of hairspray and a better brush and lots of advice on its care we left to continue on.shopping. I did get some Bobby Brown eyeliner which is excellent.
When wr got back to the Village we went for a meal in Taurus and then called it a night.

Friday - World Cup Fever

I love the morning its my favourite part of the day and when its sunny I couldn't ask for more. I went for breakfast at The Rembrandt. I had a full fry up which I really enjoyed. The 2 Kates were going to pick me up later  for a trip out to The Trafford Centre. I decided to take a walk to see a bit more of Manchester. Down by St Peters I cane across the statue pictured below.

I particularly like the words on the plaque.( Click on photo for larger image).
I then had a walk through the Peace Gardens and  headed back to meet up with the 2 Kates.

They picked me up by my hotel. On the way out to the Trafford Centre some idiots in a car next to us at the traffic lights started shouting abuse and decided to pace us so they could shout more. Always makes me wonder what morons like that get out of abusing people they don't know and have done nothing to them.
We did have a good day shopping and a really nice Chinese meal. Afterwards they took me back to their home for a coffee,
The World Cup had just started and England were playing USA the next day. Kate asked me what I thought the score would be. I thought the best result would be a draw. My reasoning was if England win some use it as an excuse to act as idiots. If England lose some use that as an excuse to act as violent idiots. A draw and they are not sure what to do. Well done USA for the draw.
I'd had another wonderful day and it was a real honour to be invited back to their home. Kate ran me back to the Village which was very busy. I said I would book a table for a meal on Saturday evening, Emma and Mrs Emma would be joining us. It was getting late and most of the restaurants were shut. I decided to call it a night and went back to the hotel.

Saturday - A Genius and The Activists

After another breakfast in the Rembrandt I decided to go to the Science Museum. They had an exhibition on about Leonardo Da Vinci. There were no original works, but there were working models of some machines made from his plans. Most of his writings and plans have been lost from what I understand.
The Last Supper apparently was painted on an experimental medium wet plaster seal with resin. Unfortunately the experiment failed and the painting deteriorated.. We see a reconstruction of what it must  have looked like.
Da Vinci believed  we should observe and investigate. There is so much in this world or even better universe to learn, but we seem to tend towards our base instincts. I wonder what he would have come up with if he was alive today. An amazing man. The exhibition has been extended so if you are in Manchester its well worth a visit .Da Vinci's 8 mirrored cubicle was one fun thing you could interact with. You can see yourself from every angle to infinity when you stand in it.

The mural outside the museum

Me at the railway yard outside the museum.

Walking up the road from the museum I heard and then saw a group of people protesting about something. They were anti cult activists. It seems a well known rock star's  daughter has joined a cult that has attracted some Hollywood stars. As I passed they said not to join them. I replied that I didn't think they would have me.

'If you have money they will', one assured me.

I stopped for a chat took a leaflet and continued on. I like talking to people and have met some interesting people.Most people seem to get past  that I am TG very quickly. There is a certain look in their eyes that does disappear. That's the only way I put it. I guess most people don't talk to many people like me and I think it is a slight shock, but saying that most people are really good.
Back in the Village I booked a table  in Villagios for 8pm. Along with the 2 Kates Emma and Mts Emma would bs joining us. I  also decided I would stay an extra 3 nights so I booked into the New Union from the Monday.
With time to spare I went of for another wander round the shops before going back to get changed for the evening. I did buy a lottery ticket and won £10 that evening.  I also got some nail varnish and painted my nails for the first time.
The football was on so Villagios wasn't to busy. It was nice to see the 2 Emmas again. Later we went to Spirit and then ended up in Naps for some dancing.
The  night came to an end I said goodbye to everyone as they wouldn't be out again while I was down.
Special thanks to Kate and Mrs Kate for looking after me.
I was having a wonderful time and it wasn't over, but I would nearly blow it, but thats for the next part I'll leave for now with a picture. It's times like those I feel true happiness.

Wonderland

Spent another wonderful 4 days out. It could have been a bit of a frightening experience at times,but I think I've become a bit more streetwise in the last couple of years.
I got into Manchester just after midday, Thursday and met Diana who had been in the Village from the night before.I couldn't get my room until 2pm so we had a coffee at Taurus. It was strange sitting with Diana, me in male mode so to speak.  Diana looked really good there seemed to be a glow about her. We have both had our challenges. Very different ones but we are both moving forward. The same could be said about Kate and Mrs Kate who we would see the next day. They also  seemed to be glowing and bursting with energy. Another friend Emma would also be joining us and it's great to see what could have been a horrible situation for her has come right.

Diana came with me to the hotel when it came time to check in. After a misunderstanding about the room and being told I had to move after the first night. Thankfully it was sorted out the next morning and  I didn't have to move. Diana came up with me to the room where she fell asleep while I got ready.
Once I was ready we went of into the Arndale for some shopping.
In Debanhams I saw a dress that just said buy me. The thing is it's red which stands out a bit and to be honest I kind of avoid clothes like that. I feel a bit self conscious, but it is nice to get dressed up now and again and we were going for a night out in Leeds the next day.
Afterwards we went back to the Village for a bite to eat and a couple of drinks. Upstairs in  Via Diana took a photo of me that I really like.

To me it looks a bit like I've been dropped into the set of Alice in Wonderland. Actually the North of England is a wonderland to me.

I did once see The Village in Manchester described as The Magic Kingdom. It has it's problems but hopefully they can be sorted out and the idiots go somewhere else.

The night came to a close and it was time to get some sleep for the trip to Leeds.

Leeds First Friday

6 30 am I went to see the night manager to see if I had to move rooms. He was great and said to me to get my breakfast and come back and it would be sorted. I did and he was true to his word. 

Kate and Mrs Kate would be arriving in the afternoon as would Emma who would be driving us to Leeds and using my room to get changed.

Diana and myself had the morning free so we went for a wander. It is so liberating to wander round the city centre, go shopping, have a coffee. Just normal stuff and get no hassle.   

It came time where I had to get back to the hotel for Emma. Diana had a couple of things to do so we parted company. Emma eventually turned up after getting caught in horrendous traffic. I left her in peace to get ready.

I went off to Taurus to meet up with Kate and Mrs Kate, Diana was there as well. When I got to Taurus it really struck me how happy my friends looked. The only way I  can put it is it was like a beautiful glow surrounded the 3 of them. 

Emma turned up and that was  5 of us. We had something to eat and a chat. I think the Taurus staff could see there was a buzz about us. Emma was driving us through to Leeds which was really good of her. For an overnight stay our luggage filled the boot.

We got to Leeds and checked into a Travel Lodge just after 8pm. Diana and myself had been out all day so we had to redo our make up so we took longer to get ready. In the lift we spoke to a bloke who seemed to be at ease with us. We actually met him later, well her. She recognised us and she looked very different.

When we were ready we all met for a drink in the bar before heading out.

We were in Leeds for a T event called First Friday which has become very popular. The only time I have seen so many tgirls in one place is Sparkle. It's great to see things like this happening in cities as well as Manchester. The Gay community has it's Pride events up and down the country  every year. Perhaps an event like Sparkle will appear in other cities as well as Manchester. I think Leeds would be a good place to bet on for that happening. We went to the Blavds pub where everyone was meeting.

A literal stones throw from where we were staying the place was packed. The one thing that struck me was everyone was really friendly. I spoke to a couple of the organisers Mandy and Cindy. I hope I've got that right.

I did feel a bit self conscious being out of my jeans, but I think I looked ok. One thing that was a bit of a disaster was my make up. With my oily skin and the heat it tends to ruin it plus I used a bit to much blusher.

The picture below shows me how I was.

I made it smaller so not to frighten anyone.

We moved on to the Viaduct Bar a place Diana and myself went to when we came through to Leeds last year for an afternoon. We thought we would show the 2 Kates and Emma where we had been.. After that we went across the road to Queens Court. 

In the Courtyard we must have looked a bit lost. A nice lesbian door lady showed us to The Loft where everyone seemed to be going. Inside it was more upmarket that Naps in Manchester. There were a lot of lesbians some of  who didn't seem to be to happy with the place filling up with tgirls. Two were mucking about and banged into me quite heavily, but they couldn't have been nicer and were full of apologies which wasn't needed. The toilet's were like a war zone with some fighting and seeing how many they could fit in a cubicle. Myself I had no problems everyone was really friendly.  

I got to do a bit of dancing which I love and the music was definitely good. Going outside for a smoke the doorman cleared some people who were arguing. I was treated with the greatest of respect which is an amazing boost.  I did see some sights I won't repeat here.

It was a fantastic night that I really enjoyed and hopefully I'll be back in Leeds again.

Saturday. Back Home to Manchester

Manchester in many ways feels like a second home. I've always loved the city way before I was getting out like I do now. I could go into my life story, but that would not be a good idea here. Throughout my life most of my best friends have been from or strongly connected with the city and that is continuing. It seems regardless of where I go or do. The city draws me back.

Anyway back to Leeds for the moment. After the night's events that finished about 3am. I had a few hours sleep and then spent about 40 minutes doing my make up after a nice relaxing bath. Life just felt so good.

I went down to the reception and was surprised to see Emma having a coffee. She really had gone for it having quite a bit to drink. She kindly got me a coffee and we had a nice chat. The 2 Kates and Diana appeared not long afterwards and we decided to get breakfast in the Travel Lodge which I really enjoyed.

We reviewed the night which I think everyone enjoyed. The weather wasn't to good so we all agreed that rather than  going for a look round Leeds we would go back to Manchester. 

Back in Manchester we decided to split up and go shopping  It's never a good idea for a big group of us to go around the city centre. 3 together is probably the limit to save attracting unwanted attention.

Diana, Emma and myself  went to Debenhams but we ended up going our separate ways.

Later that evening we all met up in Velvet for a meal. Then we went to Spirit for a couple of drinks.

There seemed to be a strange atmosphere in the Village. The police seemed to be out in force. Outside Spirit a WPC Horserider gave me a really beautiful smile as she passed.

The night came to a close after  some dancing in Naps.

Sunday

Sunday morning I had arranged to meet Diana for breakfast at the Rem but unfortunately that wasn't to be, but we did get a coffee and something to eat at a great little place by Sackville Gardens. It was a beautiful day if not a little chilly. We decided to go for a drive and we ended up at Sport City where Di took a couple of pictures of me.  

  

The picture above is outside The City of Manchester Stadium. My late wife must have been smiling. She loved football and it really was a beautiful day.

We drove back to the Village and met up with the 2 Kates in Taurus where we all indulged in some chocolate cake. Emma had departed earlier. Kate and Mrs Kate then had to set off for home so after some hugs that left Di and myself.

I took Di to a jewellers where I bought a watch last time out. She bought a lovely pair of ear rings. Later on we went for something to eat in Eden and then after a couple of drinks Di had to get home. Another wonderful 4 days had come to an end.

In Conclusion

It was a fantastic time out. I've been out in a few places in the North of England. The Judie Tzuke song Wonderland kept running through my head. Sometimes when I'm out it feels like I am in a wonderland, I wore a dress for the first time outside the Village instead of jeans and a top. I only got one horrible comment walking along Portland St to my hotel. Actually I've had worse in the Village. There were a couple of things that put a slight damper on this time out, but  really I had a wonderful time. .

Hopefully I'll be back in Wonderland before long.

Karen xx 

Out again, cold, watches, six words

I decided to go Manchester for 3 nights midweek. Got there on Tuesday and stayed at Easysleep in The Village. Unfortunately I was coming down with a cold which set off my crazy over zealous immune system. Nothing  serious, but a reminder none the less.
Once in the hotel I unpacked and decided to try and get a couple of hours sleep before getting ready to go out. I lay down the room in complete darkness and just couldn't sleep. I felt horrible and thought to myself I should have stayed at home. I was going through a stream of tissues with my nose.
This is probably going to sound daft, but when I go away to get out, one of the first things I do when I get my hotel room is take my watch off and put on a more fem watch.  The watch I wear day to day has become a symbol of my male aspect. I hadn't taken the watch off. I hadn't thought about it.
Not being able to sleep I decided to take a walk into the city centre. It felt weird out in Manchester presenting as male. (Sorry just had to say that.) Guess that shows how confused I am. Usually it's just the walk from the station to the hotel. Getting across that area in the city centre where all the trams and buses seem to build up I saw a jewellers that had a watch I really wanted.
The watch itself is like a charm bracelet. I went in and bought it. The counter assistant asked if I wanted it wrapped. She thought it was for my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I didn't bother saying much, just mumbled.
Watch bought I decided to go back to the hotel and get changed. It would be at least interesting to see if my make up would hold up with the cold and my nose.
Back at the hotel I got ready then went for a couple of tuna sandwiches. Back in The Village I then went for a couple of drinks in Eden. My make up seemed to be staying put under my nose.
The Village on a Tuesday night was very quiet. After a couple of hours out I decided it would be a good idea to get some sleep.

Wednesday

I woke up feeling slightly better, but my nose hadn't eased up. It took me just over an hour to get ready. I had the hottest shower I could stand which helped. I went of into the city centre. The MAC counter in Selfridges was my first stop. Actually I would be back there later in the day with Emma.
I would meet Emma in the afternoon, so I had about 3 hours before  I headed back to The Village to meet her.
It was good to be out again wandering round the shops. I ended up buying a few things including a new pair of shoes and another handbag. I actually bought 2 handbags this time.
I felt a bit better and I was actually enjoying myself.
It came time to start heading back to The Village. I stopped off for a coffee where my bracelet caught and came apart. A lady decided to help me and I think got a surprise when she saw me properly and I spoke, thanking her.
On the way back to The Village I saw a jacket I really liked and bought it.It will also lighten my luggage as it doesn't take up as much room as my coat.
I dropped everything off in my hotel room checked my make up which was holding up reasonably well. Emma was staying in a hotel just down the road. It was about 3pm after a couple of texts I headed off down to meet her, that's when it started to snow.
Once we met up we went into the city centre and ended up at the MAC counter in Selfridges. Emma had a make over. I got to watch some of it. When the assistant did her eyes. I learned quite a bit. I would like to say thank you to Emma for allowing me to watch. It's not often you get to see a professional at work and when she had finished Emma looked stunning, not that she didn't look good before. After both of us probably spending to much money we left to get back to The Village where we would be meeting up with some of the other girls for a meal.
One thing I bought was Studio Sculpt concealer which seems to have better coverage than MAC's usual concealer. I'll have to try the Studio Sculpt foundation now which is supposed to give very good coverage,
Back in The Village I got changed and Kate turned up from work. She used my room to get ready as she didn't have enough time if she went home. Mrs Kate would be meeting us at Taurus where we were having the meal. Kate didn't take long to get ready. I wish I could be that quick. Maybe with more practise doing my make up.
Kate went to meet Mrs Kate and I went off to meet Emma and KD.
In the New Union bar I found them both and we had a quick drink. It was great to see KD again. I know she does not get out as much as she would like. We had a chat, but time was moving on so we headed to Taurus. Emma was in pain with her leg from an injury and the heels she was wearing I don't think helped.
In Taurus there was 10 of us all together. I was sat next to KD and across from Bev and her wife who had met last time out. It was great to see them again and have a chat. It was also nice to meet Claire. I never got to really have much of a chat with Tina and Mandy, which was a shame because I hadn't seen them for awhile. I did get to chat to Diana who told me about a TG festival in the States that dwarfs Sparkle in this country. It would be a once in a lifetime experience, but I'll leave it at that for now.
After the meal, we went to the Manchester Concord and then  I went for a quick drink with Mandy, Tina, KD and Emma in Paddy's Goose. Emma and myself then went to Naps to join up with Diana and the two Kates. Doing any dancing was out for me unfortunately. I was enjoying myself, but I probably wasn't very good company. We ended up downstairs where it was a bit quieter and I caught up on what had been happening since I had last been down.  Eventually the night came to an end.

Thursday
 After a reasonable sleep I went to meet Emma. She moved her gear into my room because she was heading home in the afternoon and would use my room to get changed so that would give us some extra time out.
In the city centre I tried to do my tour guide bit without getting lost.
We went to cafe for some breakfast and I suggested going on the Big Wheel. I had gone on it with Diana first time I had ventured out into the city centre. That seems a long time ago now. You certainly get a good view at the top. The ride came to an end. After going for a couple of coffees in the Arndale and a good chat we had to head back for Emma to get changed. I hope Emma enjoyed herself, I  certainly did.
There wasn't much that I did after Emma left.
It was wonderful seeing my friends again and even though I wasn't feeling to good I enjoyed myself.
Only being able to get out now and again really hurts and afterwards I can end up really down.
Someone once asked me if I was trying to simulate a 'Real Life Experience'. I do prefer being out in the daytime than sitting in a bar in The Village with loud music. I love being with friends having a chat and exploring new places or just out shopping. I don't know about trying to simulate anything.
I was also asked if I had the choice would I transition? The answer would be no, because I already have the choice and have never made any effort to go down that road. What does that make me? I really don't know.
Over at another blog, Matt Kailey's  Tranifesto  there is a post  Tranifesto: My life in six words: a six-word memoir
 Anybody reading this should have a look at the post and perhaps try it.
Mine wasn't very good but I think it sums my life up.
I don't when I'll be out again so this blog may be inactive for awhile.
Thanks for reading and look after yourselves. I'll leave with my six words.
Karen xx

Hide, Run, No Escape, Journey, Twists

This Years Final Trip Out

My final time out this year was a wonderful time for me. A Christmas meal with wonderful friends. A trip to the theatre. Travelling city to city again Quite a bit of dancing and meeting some interesting people some who didn't even blink twice when  speaking to me.

Wednesday Christmas Meal (The Village Manchester)

Kate and Mrs K had organised the Northern Angels Christmas Meal and what a great event it was.
I had got to my hotel room in the afternoon. My friend Diana was arriving a bit later staying in the hotel just down the road.
I had plenty time to get ready, but ran into what good be described as a bad hair moment. It ended up Diana was ready before me and when she called I was probably in a bit of a panic. She came round and calmed me down and I got my act together and finished getting ready.
We went off down to Velvet where we were having the meal. We met up with everyone it was fantastic to see Kate, Mrs K , Kay Denise, Amanda, again and meet Cathy and Mrs C and there was another couple who's names escape me. I sorry to say I'm terrible at remembering names. I really enjoyed the meal and the wonderful company. For me this was Christmas.
One downer was two students not from Manchester I might add came right up to me when I was out having a smoke and said, 'Look there's another one, I told you we would see another one'. I just shook my head with a disgusted look and said 'F@%k off.. They soon took off. Lucky for them I'm quite easy going, but one of these days if they keep that up they might get more that they bargained for.
After the meal we went to Naps for some dancing to round a wonderful evening off. Diana was struggling a bit with bruised ribs she had suffered a few days before.
About 2am I left with Kate and Mrs K.

Thursday (First Trip to the Theatre)

Thursday morning Diana and myself went shopping in Manchester and we went to the Palace Theatre to get tickets for the Rocky Horror Show. Now I must admit I was a bit dubious about going.My first wife loved the music and the film so we rented it one night. The music was ok, but the film made me feel a bit uneasy. It just seemed full of every cliche going and stereotype. A Few months later I  came out to her and it didn't go well. we ended up divorcing, but in the end it wasn't me being transgender that ended it. It would have ended eventually. There is no point going into details, but it ended amicably.
After getting changed and a early meal in Taurus we made our way to the Palace Theatre. Now I would say we were quite well dressed. I was actually wearing a nice dress for a second night in a row. Unusual for me. Most of the time I wear jeans and a top, but it is nice to get dressed up.
When we got to the theatre it got a bit surreal. A lot of women dressed as french maids and men dressed in basques and stockings. When we got inside I think we confused a few people. A mother and daughter sitting in front of us started chatting to us and started to compliment us on our costume and realised we weren't dressed up for the show, but we were real so to speak. I think they were a bit embarrassed, but it was ok if not a bit funny. The lady selling the ice cream also complimented us saying how well dressed we were. I think we confused a few people. I quite enjoyed the show and in a strange sort of way I got a monkey of my back.

Friday  (Leeds)

Diana agreed to go through to Leeds with me to check out the scene and do some shopping. I am sorry to say I forgot about Diana's ribs. I think she was still in quite a bit of pain and walking her round Leeds was probably not a good idea and the seats on the train are not the most comfortable and the trains both ways were very busy.

The main pedestrian shopping centre is on Briggate and further down is the gay quarter which seems to be a safe area. We went in one bar the Viaduct which apparently is quite popular with lesbians. We did say hello to a group who came in. They were fine if not a bit loud. The barman gave us an overview of the area and the bars and clubs as relates to us. It seems like it might be a good night out.
It came time to get back to Manchester. The train was even busier. A bit like the tube at rush hour in London.
We got back ok and went to Eden for something to eat. Diana was going to head off home afterwards.
I'd had a great day out, but I did feel a bit bad for Di she seemed to be in a bit of pain.
Diana if you read this thank you for your help and support. You have helped more than you know. .
After Di left for home. I dropped my shopping off in the hotel room and decided to go for a couple of drinks before having an early night. It had been an intense three days. I ended up in Naps about 10pm where I met three women on a works night out. I got talking to them after an admirer kept at me and couldn't understand that I wasn't interested.
One asked if I was ok. I told them I was and it was a pain when these admirers couldn't take no for an answer and that I wasn't interested in men. They seemed surprised by this and asked if I just liked dressing up. I said yes, but its a bit more complicated than that. We got chatting and they asked me about the Village, also asked if I got a lot of problems with some men.I told them it only becomes a problem if they start grabbing you and then I stop being polite. They asked me if I would like to come with them, unfortunately I had to decline. it had been a long day and I was quite tired so I said goodnight and went back to the hotel.

Saturday  (A Wonderful Meal )    ,

I'd had a good sleep and after I got ready it was into the city center to do some shopping. First I had to get some breakfast, I went to Subway for a bacon sub and coffee. Now I was ready. L did my usual wandering round loads of shops seeing if anything caught my eye. I bought a top and another pair of jeans from New Look. In Dorothy Perkins a dress caught my eye, but I decided to think about it so i went for a coffee. I also texted Kate to find out what her and Mrs K's plans were for the evening.
Sitting in a cafe in the Arndale Centre watching people going by out shopping. I felt very relaxed, no stress all my worries had melted away. When I'm out I get these moments and I find it a beautiful time where everything is just right.
I got a text from Kate and then rang her. Kate suggested I come out to their home and we could have something to eat and then head of into the Village later on. I had been out to their home before and I was honoured to be invited back.
I said I would get the train in about an hour and then Kate would pick me up from the station.
I decided to buy the dress, see picture.

I was really pleased with it and wore it out that night in the Village.
I headed to the train station very happy with the my day shopping and caught the train.
Kate met me at the station and we drove to her house. Mrs K turned up a little later.
Kate cooked a lovely Chinese meal which we had with a really good home made wine. Sitting with Kate and Mrs K having a beautiful meal, chatting about various things I felt amazing.Two of my best friends who have really helped me come through a very frightening time. Kate was actually one of the first girls I met when I started going out in Manchester. I think we have all come a long way. I probably would never have got on a train if it wasn't for Kate's help and that opened up a whole new world for me. They are a wonderful couple who I can't thank enough.
They also gave me a Christmas present, which I won't open till Christmas and a card, Karen's first, which I will treasure.
The 2 Kate's got ready to go out to the Village. They dropped me off at my hotel so I could redo my make up and get changed.
Back at the hotel I got ready as quick as I could and wore my new dress. I felt like a million dollars.
We met up in Naps where we danced a lot. A wonderful night came to a close just after 3am.
We hugged and wished each other a Happy Christmas and New Year.I felt a bit sad, but hopefully I'll see them again early next year.

Sunday ( York )

I had a lie in and got up about 10am and then went to the train station about midday. I was torn between going to York or Sheffield. I decided on York as I had always wanted a look around.
Problems with the trains meant it would be about 45 minutes late.
On the platform in Piccadilly a very well dressed Irish lady asked me if I had a light for her cigarette.
I said I did but, it was illegal to smoke on the platform even though it's open. She seemed very annoyed but thanked me. About 15 minutes later she came back and told me she had spoken to one of the platform staff and managed to get a smoke. She asked me where I was off to and we had a chat. She wasn't in the least phased even with my voice. Her train came and she wished me a good day out.
My train eventually turned up. The journey was uneventful and I had bought a magazine to pass the time.
In York I had a wander round the Museum Gardens York Minster and the city centre which was packed.

It really was busy which was a shame. I think next time I'll go midweek when it's hopefully quieter. I did buy Sarah Mclachlan's Storytellers DVD.
The train back to Manchester was packed, but thankfully I got a seat after Leeds.
Back in Manchester I went for a meal in Villagios everywhere else was busy. A couple of drinks in Taurus an interesting chat which a very frightening looking bloke outside Via who told me to make sure I looked after myself because he thought I was a kind person .
I went back to the hotel. Another wonderful 5 days over. It had been a wonderful time, but as they say all good things come to an end.
It's been a strange year. Some amazing highs and very frightening lows. I've been in contact with some wonderful people, My friends have helped me see life is there to be lived and I try to the best I can.
To everyone who reads this blog, sorry I had to do another monster post.
Have a Happy Christmas and New Year 
Karen xxx

On My Travels Again. Manchester to Birmingham

I spent another wonderful two days out and managed to see another new place.
I stayed in the Village in Manchester. It's becoming a bit of a second home. Being a Wednesday and Concord night there were quite a few girls out. I met 2 friends I hadn't seen for a long time Jane and Kay Denise. It really was lovely to see them both and have a quick chat. Jane from her blog I know is having a few challenges which I really hope she can overcome.She really is a lovely lady. KD was one of the first girls I met
when I first went to the Village. She gave me some invaluable advice which I've never forgotten. It's always a pleasure to see her.
Kate and myself had a meal in Taurus where we also met up with Diana,  Mandy and Tina. I hadn't seen any of the 3 of them for at least a couple of months. It was fantastic to catch up. I am really lucky to have such wonderful friends and it's always a joy to see them.
Kate and myself were planning a day out in Birmingham the next day, so we didn't stay out to long. I think I went back to the hotel about 1am.
I couldn't get the train to Birmingham until 10 07am otherwise it would be double the fare. I would be meeting Kate in the early afternoon. These train journeys are becoming just natural now when I am out.I am quite happy to take the train, but in saying that I know I've got to be sensible and not put myself in a vulnerable position. I have to think as much like a woman out on her own as much as I can. I know I get read, but I'm not going to wander round looking scared. My voice really gives me away, but if someone speaks to me, I try to speak in a softer tone, but with confidence,
The train journey, uneventful took about an hour and a half. A lady with her daughter thought I was sitting in her seat. When she asked me I replied that these seats were not reserved. She did stop for a moment and then asked her daughter if they were in the right coach. It turned out they were in the wrong one. She apologised and then sat down next to me and told her daughter to sit in a seat across the aisle. I said to her not to worry, these electronic displays can be a nightmare. She agreed and then told her daughter off for not reading it right. I don't seem to frighten people off. There were other seats they could have sat in.

When the train arrived I had a bit of time before I was due to meet Kate so I went off for a wander, I don't know Birmingham. I had been there before but only briefly and that had been a long time ago. Going round the shops everybody was really nice and I really got a good impression, I had to smile when I was called 'duck'. In the midlands its a common expression and I must admit it always makes me smile. I did buy a nice little black dress in Monsoon. I really do love that shop , but it is expensive, but sometimes you've just got to.

It came time to meet Kate so I headed back to New St.
When I met Kate we decided to get something to eat. She knew of a place in the Pallisades which was basically a greasy spoon. After an all day breakfast each we were ready to have a trip round the shops. Kate knows Birmingham quite well, but this was her first time out in Birmingham presenting as female. We got pictures with the big bull at the Bull Ring. We went up through the Christmas Market which was really big, far bigger than Manchester. There was just a lovely atmosphere about the whole place. We both bought some jewellery from a little shop Kate knew.
It came time for us to head back to the station. We managed to miss 2 trains. One because it actually left early. The other was my fault because I suggested we go for a coffee and then forgot the time.
Eventually we got a train back to Manchester and arrived just after 8pm. We got a bite to eat in Taurus and had a good chat about the day.I'd had a wonderful dayl and I hope Kate had enjoyed herself as well.
Birmingham is a city I would definitely like to visit again. Kate had to take another short journey home on the trrain so I asked her to text me when she got there because time was getting on and I was concenrned that she'd be ok. She did get home ok which was a relief.
I'd had another wonderful time out and it was fantastic seeing so many friends which was unexpected.
Thank you Kate for showing me round Birmingham.
Karen
xxx

Just had to add this photo of me with the bull.

East to West (Another Hurdle Overcome)

Newcastle Friday

On Friday I went to Newcastle for a night out Bea, Gemma,  Donna, Karen D, and Karen M. The hotel I stayed in was full of stag and hen parties same as the last time I stayed there. I wasn't really worried. My confidence must be getting better. I was still a bit nervous and there was no way I was using a lift full of drunken blokes. I always think to myself would my wife have done this. I try to think as much like her when it comes to awkward situations, well how I think she would have handled them.
We all met up at Twist and then went on to Puccinini's the Italian restaurant we dined in first time I was out in Newcastle.
I did bring up about my plans to travel to Manchester as female. I was told not to worry as I would be fine. I   must admit I was still unsure. I had been fretting about this for some time.
Other subjects came up like transitioning and Gemma's friend, a genetic girl, wanted to know about how we viewed ourselves, basically our sexuality as she found it all very confusing.
All I could really say is don't confuse gender identity with sexuality. You look at anyone and just looking at bhow they present themselves you probably can't tell what their sexuality is 100% and that goes for everyone trans or not. Be comfortable with your own and you won't have a problem with other peoples. She asked about me and I said I'm hetrosexual, but really it dosen't interest me these days since my wife passed on. When I present as female it's not about sex. For me personally I cannot be female in bed so when it came to sex I am a hetrosexual male. We are all different, but don't make the mistake of confusing identity with sexuality. In the end all I can do is say about myself and really you have to get to know someone before making any judgements.
After the meal we went on to The Yard for a few drinks. The one thing that surprised me was that it was pretty quiet for a Friday night. I decided to leave about 1am because I wanted to get up reasonably early to get ready for the trip to Manchester. I had decided that I was going to make the most of my time out and confront another fear. Karen was going to Manchester on the train.

The Train Journey Saturday Morning

I awoke just after 7am. It looked a reasonable day a bit windy but not raining. I got ready and dressed to blend in. Jeans, a top, flat ankle boots and my coat. I also tried to use as little make up as possible.
Everything packed, I thought to myself I really need a bigger handbag. Wheeling my luggage down to the reception it was quite busy. At the desk I handed in the keycard and I thought here it comes she is going to use my male name. The receptionist didn't, but gave me a quite beautiful smile and asked if I had enjoyed my stay as I paid the bill. She wished me a good safe onward journey. I left probably with a very big smile. I walked up to the station which wasn't far away. I had to remember not to sling my bag over my shoulder when I couldn't wheel it. That wouldn't be very ladylike.
It was just after 9am and Newcastle station was relatively busy. I checked for the next train. I had to change at York and the train was in about10 minutes on the other side of the station, so off I went. I didn't notice anyone paying much attention to me. I felt good maybe I was blending in. The train a X-Country to Reading wasn't to full.  I boarded and put my luggage in a rack and got a seat near it so I could keep an eye on it. 2 teenage girls sat in the seats ahead of me.and never batted an eyelid when they saw me. Actually I think they were to busy discussing the night before and what they had been up to.
The journey was uneventful. I wished I had a couple of magazines to read or my mp3 player. I texted Kate to let her know I was on my way and when I would be arriving and where we could meet.
York station was busy and that was the first leg over. Looking for my connection a Transpennine Express to Liverpool which made me smile. It really was Trans today. Sorry terrible joke. Coming over the bridge from another platform were a group of lads chanting and making a racket. I thought here we go. They were stopped by the police and then ejected from the station.. I caught the train which was busier than the last one.
At Leeds it really started to fill up. A lady sat down next to me. She could have sat elsewhere, but she smiled at me and then rummaged around in her handbag. Touched up her make up and then settled to read her magazine. By the time we got to Manchester it was standing room only.
Getting of the train I thought to myself you did it. I had this amazing sense of freedom. I had never really felt that before it was almost overwhelming. I have had intense feelings of happiness and joy when I've been out, but this was different. I can only think of one thing that could replicate that feeling and that can't happen. I hope where ever she is, she saw a truly amazing moment. For a short time I knew what it was to be free from my fears, everything, that is the only way I can describe it..

Saturday Afternoonm / Evening

I went to the hotel and found my room wasn't ready so they stored my bag and said it would be ready in an hour. I was a bit early. I to The View bar for a drink and meet up with Kate. When Kate arrived she looked really good. I know she has been dieting and she has lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw her.
It was great to see her again. By this time I probably had a smile that stretched back to Newcastle.
After going back to the hotel getting my room and a quick check of my face we went shopping. Arriving in the city and not having to get changed just added to the sense of freedom.
We went for something to eat in Debenhams as I hadn't had any breakfast. Out shopping I bought a pair of jeans size 10 which fit perfectly, better than any of bob's. A really nice jumper, a 14, I seem to be getting smaller. Hopefully my shoulders will shrink a bit more.While we were out the wind was quite strong and it rained quite a bit, but it didn't matter.
Later that evening after we had decided to get back and changed for the evening. We met up again for a meal in Velvet. It was great to catch up on everything that had happened since I was last down. It was a shame Mrs Kate didn't make it out, but hopefully she will next time.
We eventually we ended up in Naps which was quite warm and after dancing for nearly an hour my right leg began to feel a bit strange, but after cooling down everything returned to normal. I have a good idea what was wrong and it wasn't a problem. Kate was concerned, but I assured her I was fine.
The night came to an end and we parted company. I had had a fantastic time, we hugged and parted company. It was just after 3am and I thought being Sunday I wouldn't get up to early. It would turn out to be an intense emotional day.

Sunday

I got up just after 10am and decided to go for another wander round the shops and down to the Christmas Market. I ended up going to te Arndale Centre and bought a nice pair of flat shoes. I am a bit wary of heels at the moment. I also got some more jewelleryy. A thought struck me. I've been looking for Sarah McLachlan's dvd Mirrorballl for some while. I went off to HMV. They didn't have it, but they did have the Afterglow dvd and cd set. Needless to say I bought it. The link below is a song from the dvd.
  .YouTube - "Possession (Live)"
Time was moving on and the Transgender Remembrance in Sackville Gardens was at 3 45 so I headed back to the Village..Later that night I posted on my other blog about the service. The link below takes you there.
Limbo Land: Transgender Day Of Remembrance
Afterwards I spoke to a few girls and Andrea Waddell's brother Nick in Taurus. He told me about his sister and we talked about Brighton and how he thought she would be safe there.Tragically that wasn't the case. My couple of times there left me with the impression of a very friendly tolerant place, but it only takes one, words fail me to describe the thing that murdered her.Later on before he left he came and hugged me. No more words were needed. I must admit I felt quite emotional.
I had interesting chat with Ellie who was really nice and told me some great stories and I hope her transition continues to go well. I spoke to a few other girls as well. It was just sad that we were all there for something that shouldn't be needed, but is.
After getting something to eat I went back to the hotel and wrote the post on Limbo Land it was something I needed to do. That blog is part of a multiple sclerosis blog list so perhaps some people outside the Trans World will read it and think why do these people have to suffer this violence and hopefully find we are just trying to  live like anyone else.
The whole 3 days was like living on a rollercoaster, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am just sad that Sunday evening had to happen.
Look after yourselves out there
Karen xx

3Ks and a Confidence Boost

I had a great couple of days out in Newcastle which gave me a real confidence boost.
I met up with the girls in Twist. I was first there as I'm always chopping at the bit to get out if I haven't been out in a while. It had been nearly a month which is quite short since last time.
Bea, Karen Dawn, Karen Mayo, Claire and a lady friend of Bea's turned up. Altogether there were 3 of us called Karen which got a bit confusing, hence the 3Ks in the title.
We moved on to an Indian restaurant where we met up with Christine and Gemma. I only knew Bea, Gemma and Karen Dawn so it was great to meet the other girls. I had a good chat with Claire and Christine. Claire was struggling a bit as she had had a long drive and was feeling very tired.
We had a really nice meal and then moved on to The Yard A T friendly gay bar. Christine, Claire, and Bea's friend decided to call it a night. At the Yard I got talking to a few other girls and a genetic girl who gave me all sorts of compliments about my make up, hair (wig) and how I was dressed which was really nice. I also got similar comments from a couple of gay guys in their twenties. Who were talking to Bea and Karen Dawn. It was refreshing that the conversation with them didn't revolve around sex.
I had a nice chat with Karen Mayo who is having her surgery early next year. I think Bea and myself were the only ones not transitioning. Karen seemed to be quite worried about me and thought I had fallen over somewhere when I disappeared for awhile. I was just in the queue for the toliet. A real disadvantage for women if you are desperate.
The night came to an end. Gemma offered to give me a lift, but the hotel was quite near so I said I would be ok.
The hotel was opposite the train station and on the way back it was quite busy. Nobody paid any attention to me which was great it can be quite wild round there.
Saturday morning I went out about 10am. Now I was a bit nervous about going out in the city centre. It felt like a totally different proposition to Manchester which probably see's more transgender people. My fears were unfounded. I got a couple of looks from some people, but that is to be expected I guess, but nothing bad. A lot of teenagers were out in the city centre, but none gave me any hassle. All the shop assistants I spoke to were really nice and very helpful. I didn't actually buy much, the queues were quite long, but I did get a really nice top that I am really pleased with.
I had said to Bea I would text her in the morning and we could meet up. Now it gets a bit complicated. I had been in touch with Andrea via the Angels Forum a friend of Bea's who lives in Durham. I said I could get the train out and meet up with her and Mrs Andrea. Now I had never met them because they both couldn't make it out the couple of times I had been in Newcastle before. Now to cut a long story short after a few texts, Bea turned up I think with a hangover.
We went for a coffee and I told her Andrea had been in touch so Bea decided we could drive through to Durham.
This was a real first for me I had never been to Durham at all and I would like to get a better a look around sometime as we didn't have much time. It was great to finally meet Andrea and Mrs Andrea. Andrea is out virtually out full time similar to Bea in some respects. I know she has had some problems, but is overcoming them and I wish them both all the best.
The evening came to an end and after dropping off the 2 Andreas, Bea ran me back to my hotel.
I got an early night after all the nerves I did feel drained and very tired.
I had really enjoyed myself and got a massive confidence boost.
I feel more at ease with myself and presenting as female just feels so right for me. I know I will never completely escape the closet, but I am finding a balance with more freedom.
That for me is all I really want after everything that has happened this year. The friends I have made, some I've met, some I haven't, have been an immense help for which I can never thank them enough.
Karen xxx